The hurtful words of the past dig deep
But so do the healing words of the present
The famous words of those before
Or even the ones that have yet to be
Chomping at the bit
Just wanting to make things happen
Most of my words are strung together
Not making really any sense whatsoever
Not knowing what is right and what is wrong
So much history of love and even hate
I'm hiding inside of my own mind
Just ready to run away from my own mind
My own worst nemesis is my mind
I feel like my own frenemy
Like one minute I'm happy with who I am
The next, I hate every little bit of myself
Crying doesn't come easily
But I feel like it's all for not
I don't deserve to cry as much as I feel the need to
I fake my laughter
But I don't always pretend to be happy
I feel like I'm not really here
It's like I'm non existent
What if I'm a fraud?
The person everyone loves isn't who I feel I am
I change depending on who others are
My mental illness is confusing to myself
My mind makes absolutely no sense to me
One minute I'm how everyone sees me…
I'm happy go lucky
But I'm dying inside of my heart the next
Even though everyone sees the "real" me
I don't know who that is
I'm scared nobody really wants to be around me
Scared that the sounds I hear…
The things I see…
Are changing me
Have actually changed who I'm becoming
I'm tired
I'm telling myself the worst inside of me
Listening to o those who hated me as I was younger
I love those who don't see and hate me
I appreciate everyone around me
They love me even through my worst
And I forget that a lot
I'm in my 20s, but I don't feel old enough
I'm desperately looking for myself
And I know others will love me every step of the way