Is it selfish for me to say I can’t accept this role, of being like a parent like figure, when I didn’t have a parent like figure growing up. Childhood trauma, parents splitting up. Me, as a abandoned child with unmet needs, struggling to fit in or to find my place in society. Bullied and left out. Mother mentally unwell, abused and left alone by my father. Forced to raise 3 children all by herself. And one with challenging behaviour. Am I wrong for saying I want to live my life happily because I deserve to be happy. Pain is all I have ever seen growing up, protecting my mother when she would cry, I would wipe away her tears. Bruises and wounds on her body from domestic violence. Alone she was, and alone again she is again. Life is full of tests. Family dynamics caused us to break up, never got to spend time or get to know my blood relations. An auntie of mine, who i would confide in. Gave me the attention, love and affection although she was struggling herself, but she played a role in making me happy. I’m just saddened I couldn’t help her when she needed me. Because when I was 14 years old, she was murdered and taken away from me. It was too late, she couldn’t be saved. God is showing me everyone always leaves so what’s the point in crying.
© WarriorWithin