The last weeks it was weird
but no one disappeared.
It’s weird that I sometimes wish they would.
Maybe then finally my life would be good.
They bring me so much pain,
but to a person I can’t explain.
I don’t know it different so it’s okay,
but I wish I could protect my brother in some way.

The last weeks it was like I was a mom.
I was the one who could get my brother calm.
I helped him with his homework and to study,
no one noticed that my arms were bloody.
I got him to do things so they wouldn’t get mad
We laughed a lot and he wasn’t sad.
And I think he is happier again
than he were with our ,,caring“ parents then.

I did a lot of things I think my mom should have done,
but it’s okay because he‘s the one.
I love him with my whole heart
and I believe that he is smart.
For him I would do everything.
But there is one thing that is hard to bring.
For him I stay at home with our parents,
even though from this place I secretly want my disappearance.

They are killing me but I don’t care.
I stay for him, it’s only fair.
Yes, I would die for him if he needed it
or maybe I still just want to quit.
It doesn’t matter what I want
and if I am the one they haunt.
I am there and right now it’s like I am raising him.
For him I even sleep in the dim.


© lisann