Twenty twenty three was a hell of a year for me. I cried a lot, prayed a lot, and every day for half of the year, I was waiting for a miracle.
A part of me had hope but a bigger part was hopeless.
I was depressed and I spent most of my time hiding in chagrin and wallowing in self-pity.
I let my crises get the best of me and I tried to drag everyone into my disarray.
I hate to admit it, but I was bitter and was becoming enraged.
My vexation and anxiety worked hand in hand.
It was difficult for me to face my problems, so I just blamed everyone I could.
On the days it got dire, I cried my eyes out and I prayed to God.
I prayed, begging him to make it all stop,
I wanted that chaos over.
The intensity of my pain made me reminisce on all of the things that hurt me and I held on to them.
I carried so much anger and hate in my heart, some days I could barely breathe.
This year, I realized that there's a thin line between love and hate.
I cursed people for the longest time but I prayed for them still, because I loved them.
It was complicated and it fucked with my head.
I couldn't effectively communicate my feelings,
I couldn't say to them "This thing you said or did hurt me"
Cause I felt, everyone knew what they did and they had common sense.
But perhaps, common sense wasn't after all, common
So, I prayed for a forgiving heart and a mind that doesn't overthink.
This prayer, I think, is still sitting in God's mail.
The year was a tough one, no doubt.
I got disappointed, frustrated, angry, and felt hopeless.
But God at some point, came through for me.
So I count my blessings regardless.
Words can't describe how grateful I am to God.
I am human, insatiable, and always wanting more but I'm grateful.
Because without God? I don't know man, I don't .
So this is a hell of a year, cheers to better days.
U.C Dee