I just found out someone I know’s child has died
I cut my skin with scissors because I’ve lost my mind
My eyelids feel like thinly casted bricks on skin
My brain buzzes with confusion and the thick clouds I’m lost in
I hate my body, I perceive it as a sin on my behalf
I walk around like Achilles with an arrow beneath my calf
Arguments in my head going off twenty-four seven
The itch to hurt myself has become my sense of heaven
I feel like I have to run when I’ve completed a simple meal
I know all my friends hate me so from hangouts I repeal
It’s sometimes hard explain this lingering sadness
But if I had to sum it up I’d say it’s a pool of madness
Like a lightbulb burning out after months of shining
Like the echos of thunder after the dazzling lightning
I’ve got nothing left out there for me so why am I here
Take these pills for sleeping take these pills to disappear
I flip the lights out for bed but they were never on
I feed myself narcotics until I’m so far gone
I hate it here so I go to cells inside of my mind
There I don’t have to be sad about my friends leaving me behind
There the lights are just a bit brighter than the rest of my head
Brighter than the outward existence of my dread
I get anxious and my heart pounds like its own punching bag
I bite my nails, pull my skin, let the thorns snag
I hate it here so I take the lightbulbs out to never be replaced
I’ve aware of the darkness and it’s like a idyllic place
Though at times it feels like utter loneliness and depression
Just because the light has burned out doesn’t mean my world has ended.



© Waiteing