my favourite trope
in literature
is 'enemies to lovers'.
I've been reflecting on this
lately.

I have never been someone
worth sticking around for.

my life has consisted
of revolving-door friends,
and dates that
go nowhere.
no matter how much I
love
the people in my life,
I will always ultimately
push or scare them away.

I have never been someone
worth sticking around for.

'love at first sight'
and other
fluffy,
feel good tropes
have never
resonated with me.
why waste my time
idealising something
I am not capable of receiving?

I crave human connection
so deeply,
and have been hurt so many
times,
that I can't afford to torture
myself
with empty promises.

'enemies to lovers'
suggests that the two
fated souls
were once at odds -
have seen the ugliest sides
of each other.
and yet,
for some reason -
often personal growth -
they return to each other
some time later.
seeing and
being seen
in a different light.
noticing that their
passion
has a wonderful positive side.

I have never been someone
worth sticking around for.

I crave this boomerang
chance at love.
I'm too self-aware
to fall for the lie
that I am inherently
something desired.

what I crave,
is that for at least once
in my life,
I have someone who has
seen the worst of me -
the anxious avoidant,
self-destructive,
implosive me -
that returns.
who recognises my desire
for closeness,
and the boundless amount of
unconditional love
I have to give,
that I've withheld from myself.

I have never been someone
worth sticking around for,
BUT
I want to be.
I want to be worthy of love.
© O.M.A

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