i feel the tears threatining to spill over my eyelids
i feel that sinking not breathing feeling .
and I know that in a way this is it .
the wheels chair spoke volumes .
and no matter how hard I screamed for you to stay
you withered away
when they told me you died
I imagined dust in the shape of you.
clinging onto the Narnia book you never did finish , I imagined the smell of your perfume
and how I always knew it because it felt like home.
I remember your smile, even when you were dying., and you didn let us see but I'm sure there was a lot of crying , because that's what grandmother's do .
and everytime I talk about you
it's like I'm nine years old again
like I'm a fragile child
being told your gone for the first time again
and I can't keep.it in .
because it feels like I'm dying
like something was stolen from me, and when other kids used to talk about their grandmother, I'd play pretend , and think about times with you , and laugh at the silly things we'd do if you were still around.
you'd teach me how to sew, and watch me grow , and I did grammy I grew and grew and mom and dad were so proud and I know you would've been proud too, but then I feel you.
in the words of others, in the wisdom of the elders around me , and it's almost like your next to me telling me to mind my manners , and watch the Grinch quietly or if have to go to bed early . it's a different kind of beauty when I feel your spirit lifting me .
© Emiben3255