I often feel like I'm not in on some inside joke.
I feel like that one random fork in the cutlery drawer that doesn't quite match the rest.

In a room full of people, I'm like a ghost, as if I'm not really there.
I feel like a time traveller in a world where everyone else knows the rules, but I don't.

I'm like a cat in a world full of dogs.
I'm speaking English while everyone else speaks French.

It's like there's constantly a glass wall surrounding me, preventing me from being in the real world and hearing what people are saying.

I'm not different, but I'm not the same.

What am I missing?

Is there something I should already understand?

Why weren't these instructions given to me?

Why don't we think the same?

Why don't we communicate the same?

Why can't I understand what you're trying to tell me?

Why don't I understand your actions?

Why don't I know what you know?

Why don't I understand?

Why don't I feel the same?

What am I doing wrong?

Why won't you tell me what I'm doing wrong?

How am I supposed to just know?

Why does everyone think I'm stupid or that I'm doing everything wrong?

I'm just doing what my brain tells me to do.

I try so hard to do everything right, to seem normal.

I try so hard to understand things.

But it never seems to be enough.

Why is there a block?

What is wrong with me?

Why am I not like everyone else?

Why is it so hard?

Why can't I just be the same?

Why did life have to be this way?

Why did it have to be me?

What do I gain by not understanding?

Every conversation feels like a chore.

Meeting new people is so tiring.

Trying to seem normal when I'm really not is exhausting.

Pretending to be someone I'm not is so draining.

Not being able to be myself is so frustrating.

I just want to understand.

I just want other people to understand.
© AshMF