10 views
Pain prt 1
I hope you never suffer the pain I have had in life. Here's just a few of the last things i remember.
"Your GG didn't make it baby." I was only 8. Pain was new to me. How I loved my GG. I spent many summers at her house and spent so much time with the woman who held me first. No my mom didn't hold me first. My GG did. My GG was so in love with me, and with her. She was a wonderful woman. She always smelt of peppermints and Always had fudge pops for me. Wr played the piano together and sang hyms.
"Hold your baby, your grandma Bonnie has passed away." Two days after I got home from visiting her, i lost her. I lost my grandma abd I loved her. We knew she was going soon. I didn't expect it to be so soon. She was such a wonderful person and loved me when she didn't have to.
"Alix, I'm sorry. Its all my fault I'm sorry Alix. You don't have.to forgive me."
"Ben? Ben what happened?"
"Alix, he fell in the lake. We was fishing and he fell in and I couldn't find him. I tried for an hour then called the police and they can't find him either."
"Ben, who? Who fell in the lake." At this point I knew the answer. I was hoping it wasn't true. "Dusty." that was it. The words falling from my friends mouth that I never wanted to hear. My big brother. Who had just went into remission from cancer. Who had just got his own place. Was only one day away from asking his girlfriend to marry him, was gone. I remember my reaction. I held Ben's face. "Benjamin look at me right now! Its not your fault. Do not blame yourself for this at all! Its not your fault. I love you and its okay." I ran to my kitchen to get my phone thinking it was immposible. he was just there. We was just talking. He was just at my house visiting me and my daughter. He was just there telling me he loved me and his 'Lil Punk' he was the only one proud of me when I came out I was pregnant. The only one excited. The only one who supported me and my decision.
© All Rights Reserved
"Your GG didn't make it baby." I was only 8. Pain was new to me. How I loved my GG. I spent many summers at her house and spent so much time with the woman who held me first. No my mom didn't hold me first. My GG did. My GG was so in love with me, and with her. She was a wonderful woman. She always smelt of peppermints and Always had fudge pops for me. Wr played the piano together and sang hyms.
"Hold your baby, your grandma Bonnie has passed away." Two days after I got home from visiting her, i lost her. I lost my grandma abd I loved her. We knew she was going soon. I didn't expect it to be so soon. She was such a wonderful person and loved me when she didn't have to.
"Alix, I'm sorry. Its all my fault I'm sorry Alix. You don't have.to forgive me."
"Ben? Ben what happened?"
"Alix, he fell in the lake. We was fishing and he fell in and I couldn't find him. I tried for an hour then called the police and they can't find him either."
"Ben, who? Who fell in the lake." At this point I knew the answer. I was hoping it wasn't true. "Dusty." that was it. The words falling from my friends mouth that I never wanted to hear. My big brother. Who had just went into remission from cancer. Who had just got his own place. Was only one day away from asking his girlfriend to marry him, was gone. I remember my reaction. I held Ben's face. "Benjamin look at me right now! Its not your fault. Do not blame yourself for this at all! Its not your fault. I love you and its okay." I ran to my kitchen to get my phone thinking it was immposible. he was just there. We was just talking. He was just at my house visiting me and my daughter. He was just there telling me he loved me and his 'Lil Punk' he was the only one proud of me when I came out I was pregnant. The only one excited. The only one who supported me and my decision.
© All Rights Reserved
