It takes a lot
Everything seems to always want everything out of me
But maybe that is just life you know
You have got to give it all to get it all
And maybe somewhere in my naive mind i still thought that love wouldnt be like that
It would be different
I would be loved just like i am
Not like the past
Where i would always have to change
and no one would love me for my solid
form

My solidity made me unloved
And i wanted to be loved
So yet again i had to change
But that wasnt love i said to myself uncountable times
Love is something magical
And i would never have to question myself if im loved...

But at this point in life i think
Im starting to despise it
All of it
How i smile at someone, give them my all
How i go out of my way while they remain comfortably in their solidity
How it feels like no matter how hard i try nothing wil get me love just like i imagine it

But i see beauty in how i love or atleast how i used to
Maybe i still love like that but would never admit it
No one deserves me going out of my way while they stay in lane
But sometimes i think that maybe i am the problem
Maybe im trying to justify what happend to me all these years is real
How much effort i put into people and how much of myself i lost in the process was all worth it
That is the way love
All those years and i did it
I did it to show my love
I would do it again in a heartbeat
But i dont know
Its difficult to love again
Its painful to love again


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