What does today make it? Six, seven years since you got called up?
I honestly lost count, wait I am lying it makes it 24 hours since.
I mean the wound is still raw and my life has stalled since.
My life has been on stand still and there's no difference how you left me and how i am, seems like hours apart.
I have grieved so hard the grief evolved to depression and getting to bed sometimes is a task.
If you were here I know you'd tell me that you taught me to fight my way through and this is not fighting
I know you'd tell me yu had my back and set examples and now its time to have your back while you're absent
I wonder if you are still here how would life be
I wonder how different would I be
Maybe I would have never gave up on what they call progress
Lately I drag myself across the room and gathering my energy is a big ask
Ever since i have this ask, I want to join you as soon as possible
I know that's selfish, how will mama live on after
Maybe thats why I am still around, or maybe I am a coward and can't do what every fibre of my being wants
That's a big ask, think of the people around you, I know you didn't sign up for this but please don't break
Or maybe I hate failing and I fear the second before I join I recount how I walked through this circus and I conclude I was a big failure
I just know I am tired and this is not the way to live
I wonder what normal feels like.
Wait what's normal?
© RayanKW