so here's my story by me in my words. I'm telling it now because these dam secrets are still hurting me.
first of all u must understand that even though she was the one who hurt me the worst I loved her the most.
when I was like give years old my grandma had passed away I woke up in the middle of the night screaming cause I had a dream where my grandma and my uncle were calling to me.scared and shaken I went to my mom's room she held me in her arms and wiped my tears and told me to tell them they had to go now they weren't apart of this world. that moment was the last time I'd be innocent of sin,see 2 days later after she had downed as many pills as she could find with a bottle of Thunderbird she called me into her room and took my innocents. my stepfather arrived in the middle of it and beat me I was 5.
Although that was the last time my mother ever touched me like that everything changed for me at that .moment . its it's as if the world around me lost all color.
so for the next five years it was as though everytime I stepped into th he house I stepped into wwe. my stepfather hating me my siblings all fighting for my mother's approval jealous cause she favors me but that came at a price.
around the age of 8 I came home and my brothers were the only ones there,my older brother called me to the back room and prcorded to take turns showing me what mommies and daddies do,making me the mommy, I was so scared and so empty at such a young age. I had trouble connecting with anyone,why as this happening to me. There's was one time where my stepdad saw my brother and did nothing .
I prayed to God to save me but he never did so I began acting out got caught up tagging some stupid wall,went to court got community service the guy in charge asked me a funny question he asked if I was a natural red head I said ya then he lifted my arm as if to look for under arm hair,well I didn't have hair there but I did somewhere else and he proceeded to pull my pants down
do u know what it did to me?how I felt ? calling for help but no sound escaping my mouth.
so I went to my father told him oh needed his help ,he got me a motel room and left with my cash and I never saw him again for years but on that day I threw away my childish things and became a sex worker at 16. it came to me second nature, so here I am all these years later wanting to be loved so bad but who can love a pebble in there shoe.
I'm so scared that I can never be honest with anyone cause if they see my scars will they still see me. they alwasys run. is this my fate to suffer for the sins of other and if so why. I was a child when took what they wanted it wasn't my fault ,was it!!!! was it...