Heres my heart and my soul, heres my beginning and my end. What did i do to offend u lord . Please please give them back. Ill be how u want me to be , just bring him back.
Those were the words i said , screamed it to the heaven's but no answer.
He took them both of them the only ppl that loved me gone. My mom died of cancer and 3 hours later my husband was struck by a drunk driver. In an instant in a blink of the eye everything i believed in my faith was gone.
Now i wouldnt wish that type of pain on anybody. There lying hes not gone hes not gone.
We didnt get enough time together 2 years 2 short fucking years.
Ive lived a life that nobody should live,i was beaten i was molested by men and women. My whole life wasnothing but pain i held it so close it was all i knew.
Untill he saw me the real me and with one smile the ice around my heart was nothing but a puddle.
I didnt even realize id walked across town crying. I ended up on this bridge id never seen and i looked over the edge i couldnt see the bottom my tears came so fast. Before i knew it i was climbing over the rail. All i had to do was let go. What was i holding on for everyone i loved was gone. I took a deep breath leaned foward and let go. I wasnt scared nobody will miss me and snatch a police officer caught my arm, yanked me over the rail. I kicked him i fought him and after all that i was crying sobbing so hard. He held me clise to his chest and told me it wasnt my time over and over. As he held me i cried let me go let me go i font wanna feel this pain please just let me go.
My whole world revolved around Palmer. When he meet me i was selling my ass on south presa with nothing in my heart but anger and pain. He was coverd in oil from working on a car and when he extended his hand to me to say hello i pulled back. Like some dumb bitch but he smiled at me and it was almost instantaneous every wall everything that u did to guard my heart was gone. It was love at first site for me.He was perfect in all his inperfections and he did something I never thought would happen he loved me. He saw my ugly and loved me. Because of him i know what love is.
I went from praying for death to looking foward to seeing him the next day. He gave me a reason to live to love. It felt like magic. Sometimes if i close my eyes tight i can almost smell him.
I told him that he was gonna ruin my life and he did because he gave me hope. H was a herion addict and after he passed i picked up where he left off.
My heart hurt so much please God turn it off i dont wanna feel anything else i cant please.
So i mixed it up and i drew it up and put that needle to my arm and silenced all the noise.It was a wonder drug for me it saved my life. It took everything i was feeling and turned it off.
And for the first years i hid it pretty well and i was oblivious to everything that was happening around me and i didnt give to fucks.
One day i was dope sick i had moved in with my sisterin law because i was tired of trying to kill myself.
So i was in bed had shitted on myself thrown up it was bad my nephew came into the room with his piggy bank and told me to take the money he didnt want it he wanted his uncle back.
All my life all my adventures i had never experienced shame but on this day in my room watching this little person offer up his piggy bank i felt ashamed. It was time i onew it i had been dreading this day. It was time to open my eyes. So i started winging myself off the herion and 2 month s later i showed up to there house and i was sober they called my phone nonstop so i got to there house and came out with this cake they made for me all lop sided. I burst into tears it was fathersday and these kids let me be in there lives and loved me saved me gave me hope.
I remember reading somewhere that if i stayed faithful to the lord he would return what he took 10 fold .I stayed loyal he gave me a family to love