I like going to weird grocery stores. Mainly to see what weird people eat. I was at one the other day and you know what I saw? Bison flavored applesauce for kids. Mmmmm just what every kid wants to eat. The worst part and it’s the absolute worst…THERE WERE MORE BISON ONES MISSING THAN REGULAR APPLESAUCE! You know what that means right? There are crazy people feeding there kids bison applesauce over plain applesauce. I think I’ve found the reason for most of the problems in the world. Okay. So the real reason I go is because they have premade lunches and I hate cooking. Ugh all the prep work and the dishes. It’s just annoying. Also, I know there’s no heroin needles in the food. Sure there’s people with natural deodorant and those who think veggie burgers are better than real ones, but no heroin addicts. This one I go to has a pasta bar. Ooooo it’s so good. I don’t know if you could tell but I love pasta. Not like I go to the Olive Garden and pronounce everything correctly. I mean I could make an Italian go gluten free. And you know they won’t eat that cauliflower garbage. Anyways I picked up a box of lemon chicken pasta. I raced home. Kicked in the door. Wielded my mighty pan like I was Thor. That’s when I realized…I bought a family I bought a family dinner. 2 lbs. of pasta with chicken. I know what you’re thinking. Yeah, damn right I finished the whole thing in one sitting. Then- then I washed it down with some bison applesauce. Honestly…not bad.

#comedy #funny #comedian #food #funnyfood #shortstory #reality