There are days I wake up feeling powerless and thinking I've failed in everything in life.
I am trying hard to get my self out of this and believe at those moments when I'm feeling down that my thoughts are based on insecurities, depression taking over control and the reflections of other people's opinion of me.

I've grown up in a troubled environment. I've experienced abandonment when I was a teenager, my parents got divorced and I've grown up with my grandma and siblings.

I was great at school though. I loved reading and writing.
Teachers inspired me, I was an optimist despite all the suffering I've been through-I used to be a dreamer.

Then depression happened.
I wasn't interested in anything.
I didn't enjoy time I was spending with my loved ones.
It was like I had no soul, that person wasn't me.
I got into university, I didn't like my choice-Engineering is pretty demanding.
I didn't believe in me, I thought I wasn't smart enough and that held me back from trying.
Because that's what happens when you're so afraid of failure.

In the meantime I had more family issues. My siblings needed my help. They came close to death.
Some people judged me.
They said I should have focused on getting my degree.

I don't regret it.
I'm happy that my loved ones are still alive.
I wouldn't change a thing.
I'm proud of every choice I've made.
That also made me more compassionate.
And of course I'm close to getting my degree, and face every challenge.
After all I've proved my self that I'm a bad ass.

#autobiography #life #fighter #survivor #psychology #mentalhealth
#LifeChangingContest
© ladycockroach