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Lost In Rexford.
Everything has to begin somewhere and here’s my beginning, here’s what happened to me. This is what i came to understand about things, abstract maybe.
Yet, they were still life events. Life events that held some meaning for a while to help me understand my life a bit better, so i thought.
I was lost, stuck so i felt. Alone, although surrounded by a sea of people. People who were strangers to me. Just getting on with their lives, like i was.
It all began, when we were in the car, driving along going somewhere, but i’m not sure where exactly. So it began with a car journey and suddenly i got out of the car. I don’t know why, so don’t ask me why. Then, he wasn’t there anymore. He had disappeared into the distance in his car. I was noticing the buildings, which were houses and then…
the area changed into a large café and restaurant where there were lots of people just eating, talking, walking around and then i saw…
I saw a drive way that ran through to the other side, where he reappeared. I missed him by a few seconds. It felt like, he’d been looking for me to make sure i was okay. As he drove away into the distance again, i felt so very lost and so very alone, just like before.
So i tried, i tried to put those feelings to one side, for as long as i could. I then saw a young woman who looked helpful, on the other side of the café counter in front of me.
So I asked her, “Where am i please, what’s this place called ?” She verbally told me the full address, she sounded all rushed, as though she was catching a train. In my memory blank, i only logged one word of the whole address. I asked her, “Will you please write it down for me?” she never did, she forgot to. She’d become busy at the counter, serving and helping people meeting her customers needs one by one.
So many people and yet, i was still lost. I was still waiting for my needs to be met.
As i looked around towards the front door, on the other side of the café.
I saw a sign on the wall, it read… “Welcome to Rexford.” That was also the one word of the full address that i’d recalled from the conversation with the server at the counter, “Rexford.”
A confirmation now, of where i truly was and where maybe, just maybe i was suppose to be, at this particular moment in time.
I went to sit on a seat at a table in the café, a few minutes later next to me, was a much older woman with a large zipped cloth kind of bag at the side of her.
She wore a strange looking hat with a feather in it and she was completely covered by her coat. It looked heavy and looked warm. It was fur, but not real fur, i was relieved that it wasn’t real fur.
As i looked around again, i heard the server’s supervisor call out to her by name.
I couldn’t believe it, as i thought i’d misheard. I hadn’t misheard.
I felt weirdly surprised, that we both had the same name. At that moment, as I looked at the server at the counter, she was looking straight at me too. Not as people do with quick glance sometimes, to other people, but disturbingly starring at me. This felt so uncomfortably strange and uneasy, it was as though she was looking right through me.
At though she knew me, as though she was reading my thoughts one by one.
I shivered for a moment, then i looked away, as i was feeling nervous and inside wondering what was going on. Asking my self, many questions that i had no answers for.
I reached into my jeans pocket to there my phone was, i wanted to call him and tell him where i was, but i couldn’t.
I felt that i couldn’t, because something inside of me stopped me from calling him. Something was holding me back.
I felt so very confused. Was this all some sort of bizarre dream that i needed to wake up from?
I thought to myself, “if I close my eyes really tightly, they’d be closed. Then I could wake up from this.”
So i, closed my eyes so tight, they were closed and then, i opened them again.
When i eyes opened, i wasn’t me anymore. I was stuck, i was lost.
In this place called Rexford. I was wearing a uniform, I was in a café, serving lots of strangers at a counter.
As i looked over to where, I felt myself stand before, there was no one there.
The old me had disappeared, the life i knew before had gone. I was no more.
Around me, there where was a sea of people. Some eating, some talking, others were walking around and getting on with their day.
As for me i’d changed into some else and the old me had disappeared. I was now this other person and we had the same name. I felt so uncomfortably different.
I was lost and i felt alone as everything had changed forever. I couldn’t wake up from this dream anymore, all i could do was serve strangers, at a counter, in a café. This was now all i knew, this was my new reality.
(17/01/24)
© Josephine Daniels.
Yet, they were still life events. Life events that held some meaning for a while to help me understand my life a bit better, so i thought.
I was lost, stuck so i felt. Alone, although surrounded by a sea of people. People who were strangers to me. Just getting on with their lives, like i was.
It all began, when we were in the car, driving along going somewhere, but i’m not sure where exactly. So it began with a car journey and suddenly i got out of the car. I don’t know why, so don’t ask me why. Then, he wasn’t there anymore. He had disappeared into the distance in his car. I was noticing the buildings, which were houses and then…
the area changed into a large café and restaurant where there were lots of people just eating, talking, walking around and then i saw…
I saw a drive way that ran through to the other side, where he reappeared. I missed him by a few seconds. It felt like, he’d been looking for me to make sure i was okay. As he drove away into the distance again, i felt so very lost and so very alone, just like before.
So i tried, i tried to put those feelings to one side, for as long as i could. I then saw a young woman who looked helpful, on the other side of the café counter in front of me.
So I asked her, “Where am i please, what’s this place called ?” She verbally told me the full address, she sounded all rushed, as though she was catching a train. In my memory blank, i only logged one word of the whole address. I asked her, “Will you please write it down for me?” she never did, she forgot to. She’d become busy at the counter, serving and helping people meeting her customers needs one by one.
So many people and yet, i was still lost. I was still waiting for my needs to be met.
As i looked around towards the front door, on the other side of the café.
I saw a sign on the wall, it read… “Welcome to Rexford.” That was also the one word of the full address that i’d recalled from the conversation with the server at the counter, “Rexford.”
A confirmation now, of where i truly was and where maybe, just maybe i was suppose to be, at this particular moment in time.
I went to sit on a seat at a table in the café, a few minutes later next to me, was a much older woman with a large zipped cloth kind of bag at the side of her.
She wore a strange looking hat with a feather in it and she was completely covered by her coat. It looked heavy and looked warm. It was fur, but not real fur, i was relieved that it wasn’t real fur.
As i looked around again, i heard the server’s supervisor call out to her by name.
I couldn’t believe it, as i thought i’d misheard. I hadn’t misheard.
I felt weirdly surprised, that we both had the same name. At that moment, as I looked at the server at the counter, she was looking straight at me too. Not as people do with quick glance sometimes, to other people, but disturbingly starring at me. This felt so uncomfortably strange and uneasy, it was as though she was looking right through me.
At though she knew me, as though she was reading my thoughts one by one.
I shivered for a moment, then i looked away, as i was feeling nervous and inside wondering what was going on. Asking my self, many questions that i had no answers for.
I reached into my jeans pocket to there my phone was, i wanted to call him and tell him where i was, but i couldn’t.
I felt that i couldn’t, because something inside of me stopped me from calling him. Something was holding me back.
I felt so very confused. Was this all some sort of bizarre dream that i needed to wake up from?
I thought to myself, “if I close my eyes really tightly, they’d be closed. Then I could wake up from this.”
So i, closed my eyes so tight, they were closed and then, i opened them again.
When i eyes opened, i wasn’t me anymore. I was stuck, i was lost.
In this place called Rexford. I was wearing a uniform, I was in a café, serving lots of strangers at a counter.
As i looked over to where, I felt myself stand before, there was no one there.
The old me had disappeared, the life i knew before had gone. I was no more.
Around me, there where was a sea of people. Some eating, some talking, others were walking around and getting on with their day.
As for me i’d changed into some else and the old me had disappeared. I was now this other person and we had the same name. I felt so uncomfortably different.
I was lost and i felt alone as everything had changed forever. I couldn’t wake up from this dream anymore, all i could do was serve strangers, at a counter, in a café. This was now all i knew, this was my new reality.
(17/01/24)
© Josephine Daniels.
