My second year going to end. I haven't spoke with Sagen since the continuous fight.
He text me. I stay away.
Even though it kills me.
He call me if ever...
I say... Don't call. It's over.
He ask to meet... I say no. !
We end up quarelling on call saying I Hate you. Forgot you... Left you ... Move on.. Blah blah. !

It was like all end. Zero communication between us. I had no idea what he is doing. He had no clue of mine.

"Swath... You are doing wrong dear. See he need to give chance. He loves you so much. We witnessed in his eyes. He too need his space of time. See, girl I suggest you...what ever it takes marry him... Because you had sex...in our society having sex before marriage is something like...a women is labeled for her life time. Don't push him so hard that he have to leave you and go. Ask me... My husband never brought a pad... He dont even thought to ask about my date... He fucks me ...as per his choice and mood... Marriage is different, and if no intimacy or bonding... It's just happy show running for sake of the family. We have to smile even if we can't breathe in." Madhu said being frank.
"Yes yar... Swa... Every one deserves second chance... Just give time, calm down your self, let him say what wants... At least accept that you love him. I never felt believed Love has power especially when I have all fit and fine relationship, until that day when I saw Sagen his eyes were filled with tears... No man will cry if he is not serious for his gf... You broke in crying like I can't tell dear... It's deep than I heard in music about love... You both have to be together." Ramya said looking at me as I need to be heard and understood.
Hmm...
My exams got over. Mr. Hitler used to pick up me, drop me during exams, as if it's my I'm writing board exams! His concerns and care with many restrictions.
I can't pick up calls even my friends after 6 pm.. And I used be in fear... What if Sagen calls now...
More than studying my lips read his name... All notes of me on literature, drama, poem gets written based on my emotion with Sagen Maharaja only!
If I was not a literature student definitely I had my backlogs and restricted later on... And my notes... Even Mrs. Stella used to interpret as ... Waoo!
One day she asked me... " Dear Swathantra... How do you critics poems in so depth... It's amazing that at this age ...you see life like a art.... Amazing... You should do Master, thesis...I will help you and guide you"
"Mam... All happens if you are in Love!" I said with a smile.
She looked like.. Ahww...


I knew this Sagen won't leave my head soon ... Or never...So I thought to talk to him.

I dialed his number... It was switch off...
I msged him... It went drop off.
This madness began again...
I was worried. Thoughts went on.
I goggled about his Royal palace. Thought to ping his friends from Fb contact... Thought to ping Princess... Maharani... Uff...
But all was in my mind...
I felt... Sad... Without him...
I recall and miss him...

Finally after two days...
I called him in the evening...
I was looking at the setting sun. Pinkish, orange sun... Clouds wrapped sun like a baby in the arms of a mother...
I felt to kiss my Sun ...Mr. Sagen the Rajput of JanakiRam.

"Hi SWATH... "
"why you sound so low..."
I asked as his voice was like he is sick.
"Yeah... Not we'll having cough and fever".
"What... How..." My heart pumped as if he got something unusual...
"the... here the climate ...
I was sleeping since yesterday... full time on bed.... My mobile drained its charge... Now saw your call so..."
"Shut up you fool... You sit in my mind... Can't you get out of my mind" I yelled as I cannot see him ill.
"Hahaha Swath... I can't laugh ..." He started coughing...
You ok... Shall I come to see you if your friends dont mind!
I thought he is here in the City.

"No no.... You can't come here... "
"Ok... " I lost in thoughts.

"Sagen.... Can I tell you something..." I said from breaking silence.
My eyes were filled... I touched my hand on top of my left breast... It was beating as for the first time....
I saw the sun already said bye...
I looked at the sky having pink and orange shade spread just like my love....
" Swath... Say something I can't hold mobile...my head... "
"Shut up stupid... I'm saying for the first time ... " I said.
I closed my both eyes... And said...
I LOVE You...........,..Sagennnn......
© Saranya Anish Nair