I’m tired of being the idiot boy
I’m tired of being the person that everyone pities because they don’t think I’m smart enough to do anything on my own even though I’ve shown my worth countless number of times,
And even though I’m not in my right mind doesn’t mean that I can’t read a book or tell time
I’m tired of people defending me because they see me as the guy who’s quiet and can’t defend himself when the one thing I’m trying to do is to defend myself from,
You
From everyone who thinks I’m not smart enough to do it on my own and who have ridiculed, left, and now despise me for dropping out who school and now,
They’re either dead or strung out on drugs but yet,
It’s me that can’t get the sincere hug
It’s me that gets put on the backburner because I’m not a drug addict or an alcoholic
But,
I am autistic and instead of people thinking that I need help ,
They want to take care of me
They want to be my caregiver because obviously I’m too damn stupid to read a book or to comprehend what’s going on around me because I’m autistic
Because it takes me longer to process my thoughts but when I tell them I’m tired,
They tell me to go to sleep
I will
I’ll sleep because I’m tired
I’ll hang myself because I’m tired
I’ll shoot myself in the head because I’m tired and I desperately need rest but it doesn’t matter anyway because as soon as they find out that suicide was the cause,
They’ll shake their heads and say:
“Well, you know he wasn’t all the way there in the head”
Because to them,
I’ve never been a person
I’ve been a handicapped who needs his hand held and his food cut into small pieces so he won’t choke
When I tell you I’m tired,
It’s a cry for help but nobody sees that because they’re too busy trying to tell me ow I should take care of myself instead of realizing that maybe I just need a listening ear
So when I finally do go to sleep and rest my head, my mind and my soul,
Just know,
I was tired

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