I'm a mess, I've been a mess for months,
This reality I face, it's painfully real.
I've tried everything to numb the ache within,
But pouring liquor won't absolve the guilt I feel.

No, there's no force that can halt my pursuit,
I still wait for you, against all odds.
The hour grows late, and I yearn for home,
Yet dread the silence that awaits, where you once trod.

Removing my own clothes, a task I despise,
Slipping into my own bed, thoughts consumed by you.
The night lingers, as I wait in the shadows,
For the drugs to take hold and erase what's true.

It torments me, how it all resides in my mind,
The taste of your cigarettes, the hope that you still care.
I'm a mess, lost in this chaos for months on end,
Seeking validation from anyone, but the longing is unfair.

I know that drowning in liquor won't suffice,
To absolve the guilt that haunts my weary soul.
No, there's no remedy that the world can provide,
Yet still, I wait for you, my heart not yet whole.

As the night deepens, I yearn to find solace,
But fear grips me, for silence will prevail.
Taking off my own clothes is a bitter reminder,
Of the absence that surrounds me, a love that's gone stale.

Waiting in the shadows, for the drugs to take effect,
To numb my body, to erase the pain I bear.
It's overwhelming, how it all resides in my head,
Smoking your cigarettes, hoping you still might care.

I'm a mess, it's a truth I can't deny,
Seeking validation from others, but missing you.
Pouring liquor won't absolve the guilt inside,
No, nothing can stop me from longing for you, it's true.

In this late hour, as the drugs begin to take hold,
As my body fades, vanishing from view.
I hate how it's all confined within my mind,
Thinking you could still want me, feeling so blue.

It's late, and I'm left waiting in the shadows,
Hoping the drugs will erase this mess I've become.
But deep down, I know I'm just a mess in my head,
Thinking you could still want me, feeling so numb.
© jMaj161914