It’s 7:38
Here I am
I was listening to music and friend ask me to read a poem of hers
It was beautiful, one of the most beautiful poems she’s ever written
And I don’t say this a lot because when it comes to poems I’m a bit conceited
But it’s probably even way better than anything I’ve ever written.
Reading that got me wanting to write
But then I started thinking about one of the first poems I wrote about….
About everything
Written on february the 22nd and posted on poetizer at 4:26pm (UTC)
It’s about me
Me not being able to be me
Me being gay
And it’s titled “Me”
"I've never known what feels like to be me
Me with no apologies
Me unfiltered
Me with acceptance
Me with true happiness and complete
Me outside this box I pretend is my life
When will I be enough
When will there be a time when I'm not judged
When will I ever Truly be me and is that even possible
When will I stop being a candy machine with no cost
When will be the bird with the biggest wings
If I'm me I'll be a thing
No longer a person in everyone's eyes but the rotten apple in the bunch
I've never known what it feels like to be me
And I guess I never will”
Reading that was nostalgic
I remember sitting in my room that night
Typing all those word wondering “is it ok to be gay”
Wondering is he gay
Wondering will I ever be accepted,
I remember smiling at the phone
February 22nd was that party night
And I remember wondering if I’d ever be me and just that
Me.
It’s been 220 days since then, february 22nd
7 months
And I’m me with acceptance
But I’m still not me.

I proceeded to read the second poem
“I no longer stare at her”
I used like a girl
At least I tried really hard to convince myself that I did because I thought
I’m straight and she’s and attractive girl
I don’t know if I ever really liked her to be honest
Around the same time I met her I met him
I liked, like him
Then I was just scared because I was afraid of being gay
But I did and I do
Around that time we didn’t really talk
I just met him from math and english class
Credit to that guy who made the timetable
I remember playing this game in head
If I walked past him and I smiled I liked him
And smile like a clown a birthyday party I did
A lot and til this day I still do
If I walked past her and I slightly smiled or just though she looked good I'd say I was definitely straight
God knows I wasn’t
Here it is
The first poem I wrote about him
“I don't stare at her again
Now my eye is on someone new
Someone who's locked away
Someone I can't be with
The game level I'll never unlock
Why do I like them when I know it could never be
Why do I get mixed signals or am i mixing up the signals
And why the fuck do I want what I can't have
I wanna get drunk
And not feel anything
Say fuck it all, fuck the consequences
But I can't
I'm no David
And I'll never be
I wonder do though
Do they like me”
Written on february 23 and posted on poetizer at 1:12 am
It’s still february 22nd
Reading this was just as nostalgic
I remember how my fingers typed and how I lied down on the bed
Most likely with my phone plugged in
It’s been 220 days since then also
It’s weird but I have a lucky number
It’s weird because I have no actual luc associated with that number
4
And look 2+2+0=4
Maybe today I’ll be lucky
Ha! I wish

The third is titled “Them”
Them because no one could know it was a guy
Especially him, the guy
But I was fooling no one it was so obvious
Then there’s a sequel, them pt2 + over 200 more .

My favourite poem
From the day I wrote it
I said it was my favorite
And I’ve had a lot of “favorite” poems since then
But reading back this reminded me that it was and it really my favorite
The idea came to me to write this because I love the moon and just before writing it
I was outside looking up at the moon, thinking about ..., it was full,
I think it’s one of the most beautiful things that people just ignore
Sometimes I myself do too but whenever I do look up at it
I look and I stare how I stare at him
The moon shines moonlight
I think that symbolizes wonder, dreams, aspirations, wishes, luck, beauty, something that is overlooked, solitude, happiness, love, something good and grand
A mixture of everything
Here it is
My favorite poem out off all the 200+ I’ve written
I think it’s beautiful and I love it
"The stars sparkle in the sky
And the wind howls while the moon gets older
As I sit there lost in deja vu that never was
I picture us laughing, having the time of our lives
But not all artists paint the right picture
There we are again
Sitting on the sand as the water washes away the hearts we drew
And now we're in boat that's sinks as my heart ponder
And yes we were drowning, but it didn't matter cuz I was with you
If the night was cold, your smile would warm my soul
And as a star shoots through the sky, you say make a wish
But mine has already come through
I was with u
I wanna be with u
With u till the end and through it all
With u till we're old and gray
Till we fade away
A hero would risk u for the world
But I'd play the villain and risk the universe for u
Cuz nothing else matters if I have u
My first date
My first kiss
And the first time I say I love you
I want it to be with you
You and no one else
This is the dream I dont wanna wake up from
This is the dream I hope I die in
Cuz out there in the real world you're not with me
I'm nothing but a friend
So I'll stay in the moonlight
Under which we have our first kiss
And yes it's just my imagination
But nothing else is better than this"
Written on february 27th
Posted on poetizer at 2:26 am
I remember writing this like it was yesterday
Or a few moments ago

I don’t know how many words I’ve written throughout all poems
But I know that all my words were and are true
© Dantewrites