,,you‘re really depressed‘‘ she said,
and I smiled because I don’t want her to know.
She‘s my therapist but doesn’t accept my head.
maybe that’s why she wants to let me go.
she wants to put me back on medication
but there is no way I am gonna take the pills again.
last time it didn’t help and was like intoxication.
it’s okay to be in pain.

I always do what others wants me to do
and honestly I am fine with this thing
I don’t know my needs, we both know it’s true
but you don’t want to do nothing
and if I am not ready for doing it
you said you would cancel our sessions.
right, I only have this problem that I need to quit.
it’s not like there weren’t other lessons.

you know I am worse than ever
but right, ignoring my needs for others is bigger
and you can’t help me then, never.
okay, I am fine and there is no problem with my figure.
you healed me and I was never better.
I thought I was the one ignoring my mental state,
but okay. we‘re doing it together.
why not? it’s gonna be great.

I am not ready to change yet,
but right just leave.
watch me die without regret.
forget the reasons for the long-sleeve.
oh right, you already did
but then stop talking about pills
just understand me like you would every other kid.
I am not gonna take pills, I‘ll try my skills.

I am so fucking tired of everything
but you only care about my not existing need.
You completely ignore that I feel nothing.
you wouldn’t care if my wrist would bleed again.
you are too direct,
but I am too scared to tell you.
it’s nothing that you would expect.
and it’s one thing I would never never do.


© lisann