I knew our fate,
A scarlet letter,
Stamped and sealed,
Our own letter in bottle,
To time,
A love story,
Pleading for a different ending,
A sad story,
I knew it was i,
Who was doomed,
We had danced the night away,
Still I went,
I rode along,
In the passenger seat,
Of a fairy tale,
A bite of euphoria,
I no princess,
Everyone told me you were one of those boys,
But i didnt believe them,
We had a handful of heaven,
Thats what i knew,
Though it could have never stayed golden,
Maybe i just didnt care,
I thought i knew it all,
I was young,
Dumb and nieve,
I tossed you the keys,
Giving you all of the control,
Hoping and praying you didn't wreck us,
I see now,
It was in losing you,
That i found myself all the way back to me.

I followed you this way and that,
Up and down,
Through thick and thin,
I followed you right up until you walked us,
Into the high tide of the ocean,
Just like the sand between my toes,
You slipped through my fingers,
All of my hopes and dreams and expecations,
Swept away with the ocean and the receding tide,
As it pulls its muddy grip from the earth,
You claimed I was to emotional,
Yet i hid,
The tears,
The fits of anger,
The confusion,
The emotions,
I hid behind,
A trade mark smile,
A mask i wore,
Like a woman wears pearls and diamonds,
I watched the walls you clung to,
For safety and comfort crumble,
I watched you squirm as i caught you in lies,
Like a itty bitty bug caught in a spiders web,
Yet it was i,
Who felt trapt,
Like a rogue animal in the forest,
Caught in the hunters snare,
I handed over my wants and needs,
The compromises fall apart,
We needed to communicate,
Yet my mouth was dry,
No words came out.

I tried to calm down,
Deep breaths,
I let my anger get the best of me one time to many,
We would fight,
Like siblings trying to blame one & the other,
We would bicker,
Even ignore each other,
I said things i didnt mean,
I also said things I did mean.

I still pray for you,
I wish you the best,
I hold in the anger,
I wont speak ill will on you,
My best intentions are for you to find contentment and happiness,
Simply far away from me,
I dreaded the miles in between us,
Now i thank the distance,
I wish it were so easy,
As out of sight out of mind,
But it is you that haunts me,
It is your touch,
The crave and the want to be loved by you,
That taunts me.

Did we do this to ourselves?
Knowing this wouldn't last,
Did we set ourselves up,
For heartbreak?
Why did we jump in,
So fully,
So ready,
If it was so temporary,
But theres really only two questions worth asking,
Was it worth it and was it real?

Or had i imagined the whole thing,
Just another day dream or another sad story?
Maybe one day,
When we run into each other,
At a grocery store,
Or at the gas station,
Maybe we will know what to say then,
Maybe then we will both be in new chapters,
I say goodbye now,
To our love,
To what i held dearest,
Closest to me,
I dont need to hear your voice anymore,
Before i go to bed,
I dont reread our messages anymore,
I dont listen to the voice messages you'd sent,
I dont look at pictures or rewatch the videos of us,
I cut the cord,
It is now,
That i step back,
To recover and heal,
I see,
What is mine,
Will always be mine,
No one can take something that is not meant for them,
I realize now,
You were never mind to begin with,
I'm okay with that now,
For when i find what is meant to be mine,
I wont have to explain,
Or beg for their time or love,
Will just be given,
I wont have to ask,
For them to put in effort,
To emotional,
I wont be to much.

When i think back now,
To stolen glances,
Starbucks coffee,
All of those bad jokes,
The cheezy nicknames,
Kisses that never truly belonged to me,
But to another,
Soft grazes,
Safe places, and shared breath under a cotton sheet,
Chocolate that melted on your tongue,
Etheral like the loved I belived that we shared,
Now i see,
In moments of dispair,
It was all pretend,
I know i shouldn't go back,
Reread all of our messages that we had sent,
Look at all the pictures of memories,
I remember to well,
So i forced myself,
To cut the cord,
That connected us,
To each other,
My love for you.

For as long as it was tied to you,
I would always fall victim,
Come running back,
Bite my tongue,
Wear my mask,
Walk on egg shells,
I see now what i was convinced was my whole book,
Was actually only a chapter,
Too short,
But probably my favorite one too,
From time to time i want to flip back,
Reread and relive,
But i remind myself,
It was you,
Who should feel this bitter feeling,
Not i,
So i shut our chapter,
For it was now over.
Because it was i who loved you,
Still knowing could not prevent me,
From chasing after my desire,
And it would be filled,
Leaving me longing for your touch.

It is now,
As i detox from your love,
That i am able to see clearly,
I am able to speak freely,
Was this all just a game,
Just for fun,
I contradict myself,
Doubt myself,
Tell me its not true,
I wonder if you felt it too.

So it is here,
I purge myself,
Of these urges,
I deleted all the evidence of our love,
I let it burn,
With all the fires,
Inside my head,
I write my racing thoughts,
I lie them to rest here,
Our future dead and gone,
Relief fills me now,
As I know we would have,
Disappointed each other,
Time and time again,
Yet it is hard to say goodbye,
To something i held so close and dear,
Some thing i saw as eternal,
With no expiration date,
Was it my expectations or our love,
That was out of date,
Here i had laid out,
A picket fence,
Of hopes and dream,
Of expectations,
Only for you to tell me,
You are no prince charming,
That you had swept me off my feet,
Only drop me.

I only have one question left,
Was it you or I,
Who danced with the devil,
Was i caught in your game,
Or were you scared?
Another animal in a trap,
Maybe this was all some cruel and evil trick,
I dont intend to play again,
To find out.

© @DestinySnyder