My dad used to tell me that I am a procrastinator
And honestly, that's the biggest most elegant word he ever used
This is the one word that I had to ask its meaning
He told me that it means I put stuff off
I have an innate desire to do everything tomorrow
Never today
I suppose he was calling me lazy
Or even saying that I don't commit very well to any task
I want to say today
That after so many years I admit he may have been right
And it, I think is saving my life
It's the lack of desire to commit to anything that keeps me safe
I am a successful person
I dedicated so much to my career and my kids
Those entities I was never putting off
But there is one
One thought that I procrastinate with
One idea that would be a better thought tomorrow
That's suicide....
I seem to always find a way to think about again tomorrow
If I'm going to do it, it will be on a tomorrow
As long as I procrastinate....
It will never happen today
I want to thank my dad for showing me this skill
Because if I am going to finally commit to suicide
I hope I can always put it off until tomorrow


© Kasey Spotanski