have you ever decided, to just close your eyes
have you ever decided to just stop trying?
have you ever let yourself just stop feeling

after it all do you wonder if it was the right thing to do

and even if you realize it wasn't, do you really care?

does that apathy come from a place of suppressed sadness disguised as anger?

life is funny in the sense of the value it places on relationships

but the philosophy isn't wrong

no man is a single island that can survive alone
we knowingly and unbeknownst to us form attachments to people

make them some sort of standard for specific things in our lives

relationships, friendships can be fufiling

they can be the most beautiful thing

but it only works when both parties grasp on firmly

when it's imbedded in sincerity,

when everyone is aware of who they are to the people they love

the sad thing about placing people on a pedestal

is that one day you'll wake up and realize that you weren't the standard

you weren't on the same page

only your hand hangs in the air when the person you hold so dear is supposed to be reaching for you.

the sad thing is that even when you realize this it doesn't fully sink in

you willingly reach out again and again, you see that other people are to them what they are for you

you realize that you have given and given and somewhere along the way you forgot that you should have been receiving too

and even after all this you ignore it

because maybe you're wrong?

maybe they just forgot

maybe they're busy

maybe they don't think you need to hear how important you are to them even though they say it all the time to other people

maybe it's all in your head

maybe...

or maybe...

you're just not what they are for you

maybe you're not that important

maybe they didn't know your hand was hanging because they didn't bother to look talk less reach out

maybe the realization breaks you alittle

maybe you change

maybe you see their pain and look away

maybe you see their message and ignore

maybe you stop reaching out

becoming so cold that you barely believe in the feeling anymore

talkless of feeling anything at all

maybe little by little you let go

you learn that you've only got yourself

that you have to look out for yourself

that you're not defined by the people around you but by the kind of person you choose to be

that having people at your corner might be the most amazing feeling

but the absence of them will not end you

you'll learn to put yourself first, step back when you need too, you'll learn that things change, people change

you'll learn that life goes on



© tonnaV