I feel a deep sense of longing for something I'm unaware of. I desperately want my innermost thoughts and feelings to remain pure, but I know it's impossible. I want to sled down the world's tallest mountain and completely disappear from this world and all of its superficiality. I want to see a calm storm completely wipe away this world's problems. Not out of hatred or malice, but because of just how much pain lives in the hearts of everyone. It's too great a burden to bear and I hate that it reaches inside my soul to scratch the roof of my heart. I hate the feeling when something is wrong even when I can't put my finger on it. I hate death. I hate that we have to die. I hate that my mind creates these detailed scenarios where I'll end up unhappy. I hate chemicals. I hate inevitability. I want freedom. I want to craft my own reality. I want to have a say in the way my future plays out. I want to have a voice. I want the ability to be kind to others even when they don't deserve it. I want to erase my own identity and blend in with the divine till I'm inseparable from it. I wish I could write down every single feeling I've felt and feel them all again on repeat for eternity. I hate to see anything go to waste, including this paragraph that will fall on deaf ears, because it's melodramatic and trite. But it's true. It's authentic. It's me. So fine. I continue onward in this insipid, confusing, sparkling world, and I don't make a big deal about it when my feelings are hurt. In silence we live, in silence we leave.

© Joe_W_D