“I have been to more places by accident
than most people have been on purpose.”
– Alberta Hunter


After a tiring long work from home session full of conferences, meetings and report creation all I wanted was rest…
So I lay on my couch legs far wide spread on resting on a chair close by and other dangling down, my toe pointing and touching the cold floor… I lay with my head up lazily munching on the wafers... last of it maybe…
Last to tide up I stayed ignoring my phone which I felt to be the roots of my miserable life…
With no more priorities that is to be attended, I let my mind take control of my body, since sleep was not that which was deprived I lay quite thinking and differentiating the old drunkard me and the new responsible me…
Responsibilities do take a toll on your dreams…
Slowly things seem cheerful… College it was, that of which I was thinking about…
I stopped and lay quite straight with closed eyes and remembered my good old college and my good old friends… a memory that which would always fill me up with joy… The experiences and the fun that initiated pacing adrenaline through my system… I would quit being something that I am not and would live my very life back if… if I ever could relive it…
But moments fun is what I all cared then… I from the very start started recollecting the instances of fun which seem to be engraved deep inside my encephalon…
I opened my eyes and with a jolt rushed to the book shelf trying to find my diary… I foraged the shelf like a starving cat which messes everything around just to find his meal… There in the mess the set of diaries concealing my true identity and the person I am lie anthropomorphically smiling… I picked them up, wiping of the dust that have collected on them I realized a glow on my face…

August 12 2012
My first day of college…
After a dramatic failure here I reach again… Uprooted and planted somewhere unknown of the culture I loitered trying to figure where my class could be…
Ironic it was to know that I appeared to my new college on the very fresher day…With no much struggle and trouble I found my class… My class… Nice round chubby juicy lecturer stood before me asking who and what I was in seek of & there I stood wandering and contemplating on the lost expectation of finding a teacher in her thirties beautiful and appealing… Realizing the fact that my expectation's to be mere fantasies I answered “new joining…” she with a smile so haughty did welcome me waving as if she never bothered… God help me... naughty was the smile I was in seek of but haughty it was… can u ever do something without mistake… Jeez... preaching’s about mercy is just in his books, it does not apply him…
I slowly moved to the finest last bench I could find… most of it unoccupied… I settled onto the second last bench I could find… Ma’am with her eyes wide open gave a frightening unbothered gaze as if she realized me and my presence to be of no good to the class… I did understand the meaningful gaze and reciprocated with a smile proving her concerns and my intentions to be true… There looking around the class I felt question marks everywhere… Four of the rows all filled with girls and boys of high intellect, watching them it would seem they look identical to girls… Quite really difficult to differentiate… never mind I thought and with all my might tried concentrating on the happening class… To my pleasure It was earlier than my expectation that the class happening was for the front four rows and had no relation to me…
And then suddenly two faces turn to me… They swiveled with easy unbothered of the lecturing teacher… They introduced themselves and so did I… My first friends… Happy I was…
Next was to be a short break… as soon as the teacher leave the first question I hear from my new friends is whether I smoke…
And like all kids I lied… I said I don’t…
They found me to be good and that I don’t have any bad habits… They asked me if I would join and tag along for a company… huh… yeah I denied that too…
I saw them leave… I forgot while talking that I myself is a bad smoke addict… now I can’t even correct myself…
If he wouldn’t have said anything about smoking I could have lasted and controlled my urge for some longer…
Fuck goodwill… as soon I saw them move out of my sight I rushed and reached out to the tapri in front of the college… I knew it to be the maddest idea possible… but fuck my urge, I got myself a smoke and in peace I stood smoking bothering less…
Then what was to happen it couldn’t have got any worse and a not so old, sleek guy comes to the tapri and asks for a packet of Bristol… He was a motivation in a sort, a packet of cigarettes… huh… Happy that I got motivated that smoking wont affect you when you old…
The old guy he pushes a cigarette into his lips and searches for his pocket for his lighter… he brings the lighter close to the cigarette and tries to light it… but whoosh… lighter was like fuck off man let me sleep…
I found it to be the right time to show my zippo, removed it from my pocket and slowly lighted it… I approached the old guy and showing him the mighty flames of my zippo I helped him light his cigarette… This is when through the corner of my left eye I see my astonished new friends… They were dumbstruck seeing me smoke…
They did not turn to me instead did make haste for the class… I followed them…
Back on our seats they asked me why did I lie to them…
Similar to all fucked up people my response was that I was on the verge of quitting and I couldn’t control my urge when you people mentioned about smoke…
Then came the hardest part they did not mind me lying to them… They did not mind me smoking alone…
But their eyes, in their eyes did I feel fear… My first day… Did I fuck it up…????
Then with a smile and least bother for me they revealed that it was Sukumaran Sir our suppose to be English teacher whose cigarette I lit…
WOW… Darkness fills me up…

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