Hey friends, here I am with my another foolish talk 😂😂 please bear with me .

Actually so much is going on in mylife so whenever I sit and try to write something that thoughts came inside my mind and to prevent myself reminding that old heartache memories I just kept myself busy in writing notes by listening music or sometimes calling a random friend and talk nonsense for hours , and yeah social media hence I reduced its use now because my exams are coming so I really need to focus on that but my thoughts never failed to interrup my studies and now I am frustrated from all this I mean what's going on my life so I could take a resting breath ..
You know I love to write since I was little,I write my imagination in the slate and the veary next day I just erase it write another imagination I couldn't remember what I wrote but my parents says when you were a child you always love your books and I am like " I still love them" they are be like no that time was different everytime I saw you , you were sitting and continuously trying to read your books and now you are always on phone , (. in my mind that's because I am listening lectures and other stuffs in my phone,'cause our teachers are so lazy they don't teach us a single thing so what do you expect me to do ) huff..
I don't know where this thought came from my mind but I think I was better when I was a child and now As I see myself it's like the worst version I mean I help my friends to always be with me in the line I want them to share every problem with me but after hearing everyone's problems I think that their lives are destroyed because of me because the people are connected with me are continuously facing problems even my own family not because of me but I think that's the case the thought just came like what if I didn't even exit , that would be way better than this and this is the worst part I am disclosing to you guys that during 2020and 2021 Lockdown I tried to kill myself three times but everytime I tried my parents face just came in front of me , even writing my thoughts in this I think I will get a relief maybe a little but at that time I just think they already had problems and if I die than society will accuse them for this not the culprit so I stop their and vow to myself I shut the mouth of those who tried to hurt my family and guys its very hard to motivate yourself seriously I think if my true friends were not there with me so I would've been living now , they don't know the whole thing even not you guys but they are with me and that's all I really want.
you all know I didn't cried for 5 years after my father's Operation for tumour near the spinal cord region. when my father and mother came back 1 week after the operation I saw my father and hardly control myself from bursting into crying , I was happy that my father is ok now but he didn't recover much , even remembering that day I burst into tears 'cause I've seen my father big and strong ,the person who had never took a fever Medicine in his life he has to go through operation and Now I am in a constant fear that what happen nextvbut I can't just back down from this right 'cause my father get the power from my pride and I have to become the person I want so I could make my parents that happy when I was little when I saw them giving me that cherising smiles at me I just want my family to be happy and I will work hard to make that dream true .




ok this was really REALLY become very long chat 😂😂😂it was not suppose to be like this but yeah I still have faith in myself that I could handle it and I will become successful and maybe one day I got to meet you guys 🙂🙂🙂 Just remember me in your thoughts I don't want very much from you guys neither I expect from you but just remember like there was a foolish girl who wrote this past nonsense and still crying for that ( even I control my tears from falling down) 😹😹 you understood friends ok let's end this bye guy have a very great year .
© Payal Nahak