Losing myself
I remember i wasn't myself that time when it happened. Things happened so fast and i didn't get much time to control them.
By the time i realized, i almost gave myself to the devil. The devil who will leave me crying and regretting.
The lockdown took its time to end and slowly i was drifting away from passion.I lost visions and the mind to think.So when the date of school re-opening was announced, i was excited because i stayed home for quite a donkey's year. I wanted to experience the life of high school so desperately. More so,to atleast get myself a boyfriend or get into a relationship for the animal in me told me I was ready. I wanted to experience breakups and more so the love
The lord answered my prayers like the fast and furious cars when i met Mich.Mich Emmanuel was his cute name just like him.Indeed,a cute for a cute guy.Mich came to school two days after reporting day.I actually didn't notice him quite well. The following day,i took my books,went where he was majestically sitting and got into reading my book.While reading, one of the boys started disturbing me before i had placed his bag down on the ground. Mich turned and spoke gently, i was ashamed. I should have been the sensible one if only i didn't get into a heated argument with the guy.But thanks to this argument, Mich and i were able to start a friendly conversation. We talked about alot of things. He told me about his parents, siblings and home.I did the same .I felt so connected to the dude than i have ever connected with any tom,dick or harry.He was sensible, he read financial books and i interpreted them so well.He wore glasses and that made him look more serious and hardworking.
Soon,i realised even if i really wanted a guy,i got to understand him first. Mich had a bad behaviour of crying like a baby. His groupmates didn't have a good comment to pass about him.He uses the same hankie for a week,he is selfish with both his edible and knowledge but i thought, one man's meat is another many poison. Come on ,i liked this tom and anything said ,i paid a deaf ear to it.I started giving my crumbs to him,he said alot of vibing words but never said i liked you or i love you.But that didn't bother me because i liked our connection.One thing, i didn't realise or maybe never paid attention to was thatMich didn't actually know how to deal with belles.The words he used to vibe me is the same he would use to my friends. And these things reach me but i didn't pay attention. Even my twin sister didn't like Mich and i liked him and that is all that mattered to me
Whenever Mich had a fight with my friends in the group, i always took his side or sat on the fence.I remember, they had this one serious fight and they abused themselves really badly.Mich cried like a woman in labour. The whole day,he was grumpy, i wrote chits trying to calm him the poor guy down but he didn't. As time went on ,things were getting so intense between us.
Valentine was also around the corner.The whole class was excited. Mich asked me to be his valentine. I didn't pay heed because i thought it was a joke. But he kept reminding me about it.Deep down in my heart,i prayed for it to be a good valentine because it was my first valentine with a date.After few days,i accepted to be Mich's valentine. He was actually dumb struck, he didn't know how to respond since it was his first time. From that day,Mich never talked about his plans for valentine. I didn't say anything because I thought he might have a surprise for me.One day to valentine whe i met Mich in the classroom and talked to him about his plans, but still no proper answer. So i made a suggestion. We were to write poems for each other and give as a valentine gift.He agreed to it willingly. The following day,i bought chocolate and wrote a poem with my atmost best handwriting and gave to him.i got a pen and designed my hand with an initial saying, "I have a valentine and he is cute" When i showed it to him,he called me crazy,really so now am crazy for liking him.The whole day ended when Mich didn't present neither a poem nor a gift.To make it so hurtful and shocking, i remember one of friends' dad visited and she entrusted me with her pocket money .The money got lost when the whole class went out for a biology lesson.
I wailed like an angry and hungry baby. Mich was seated at the back of the classroom with another belle,smiling and talking in a bedroom voice when i was screaming and answering to the concerned questions approaching me.Even the guys whom i didn't get well with asked me and extended their apologies, but the devil never bargains. After the wailing and screaming, i remembered that day,my friends warned me against Mich.That he is not my type but i didn't listen.
That evening, we met on our way for evening preps lessons when he asked me if it was me crying. I was shocked, the guy who told me he can differentiate between my sister and i is the one asking if i was the one crying. Let it be .It is true,once a dog always a dog,i still got my notebook and gave it to him.But the whole night, i spent it sleeplessly thinking about the way how i want to be treated, how i had distanced myself from my twin sister just for a woman in a man's trousers with small balls.I had spent my precious time and crumbs on someone less than me.Someone not my type.That is when i realized that the name Mich isn't that cute and so is the owner.
On several occasions, it proved that Mich isn't great guy but why did God have to give me him for experience. But better late than never. I learnt how guys are unfaithful and they need a woman to feel strong and wanted.Mich is gone and never shall the mistake repeat
© kevypatty