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Dear Diary,
Dear Diary,
It's me, Lethia.
I don't have much to say, since my emotions leak everywhere and my thoughts are both silent and chaotic. Like an invisible force is there and it's messy but aside from the pressure, there is not a peep of sound.
School has been... Different to say the least. The me now is very different from the me last year and I find myself sinking down further and faster.
It feels almost like a race, like a wall climbing one. I can see my end goal up there, with a flag that says proceed to 3rd year. I can also see my classmates beside me also looking forward to climbing and reaching to progress to another semester.
However, despite the objective being plain as day, to climb and reach the finish line, I feel I cannot grasp any grips or rocks in the wall. Is my wall just empty? Everyone else has something on theirs.
Yet I vaguely remember that on my good days there is something there, something tangible and something to grip.
Yet on days like these it disappears, almost as if nothing is there and nothing to grip. Stuck at where I was and any little mistake I will fall and with little chance of making it to the finish line in time.
Perhaps it's invisible, my eyes cannot see things clearly if I am overly stressed? Am I tired? Was I hallucinating?
But I can feel the grips I am holding and remember vaguely the grips I passed. Yet I feel like any further step I will slip.
So are my hands coated in oil? Is it slippery? Was it my problem I cannot progress?
Everyone else is climbing. Right and left everyone seems to be moving further up, with clearer minds and steeled hearts. Looking at them, I feel even more burdensome, like my hands are burning and I want to let go.
Wait. Burning. The grips aren't gone. Just burning to ashes.
But why?
Why does it seem so hard to progress? Everyone else is progressing even those who are slower than usual. They're carving grips and stabbing things in the wall just so they can progress. Even if it meant not sleeping, eating, getting hurt and getting sick.
But why can't I? Why is everything I touch burning and every path I am supposed to have flying in the wind as ashes?
My hand is okay, sore and weak but still fine. So why am I feeling so helpless...
I can only hope for this day to pass and the flames weaken before progressing forward.. It seems it's the only thing I can do.
Hopefully, it won't be too late to catch up with the others.
© All Rights Reserved
It's me, Lethia.
I don't have much to say, since my emotions leak everywhere and my thoughts are both silent and chaotic. Like an invisible force is there and it's messy but aside from the pressure, there is not a peep of sound.
School has been... Different to say the least. The me now is very different from the me last year and I find myself sinking down further and faster.
It feels almost like a race, like a wall climbing one. I can see my end goal up there, with a flag that says proceed to 3rd year. I can also see my classmates beside me also looking forward to climbing and reaching to progress to another semester.
However, despite the objective being plain as day, to climb and reach the finish line, I feel I cannot grasp any grips or rocks in the wall. Is my wall just empty? Everyone else has something on theirs.
Yet I vaguely remember that on my good days there is something there, something tangible and something to grip.
Yet on days like these it disappears, almost as if nothing is there and nothing to grip. Stuck at where I was and any little mistake I will fall and with little chance of making it to the finish line in time.
Perhaps it's invisible, my eyes cannot see things clearly if I am overly stressed? Am I tired? Was I hallucinating?
But I can feel the grips I am holding and remember vaguely the grips I passed. Yet I feel like any further step I will slip.
So are my hands coated in oil? Is it slippery? Was it my problem I cannot progress?
Everyone else is climbing. Right and left everyone seems to be moving further up, with clearer minds and steeled hearts. Looking at them, I feel even more burdensome, like my hands are burning and I want to let go.
Wait. Burning. The grips aren't gone. Just burning to ashes.
But why?
Why does it seem so hard to progress? Everyone else is progressing even those who are slower than usual. They're carving grips and stabbing things in the wall just so they can progress. Even if it meant not sleeping, eating, getting hurt and getting sick.
But why can't I? Why is everything I touch burning and every path I am supposed to have flying in the wind as ashes?
My hand is okay, sore and weak but still fine. So why am I feeling so helpless...
I can only hope for this day to pass and the flames weaken before progressing forward.. It seems it's the only thing I can do.
Hopefully, it won't be too late to catch up with the others.
© All Rights Reserved
