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I saw you.
It was the first day of year nine,
Everyone sat down beside their friends or people that they knew, everyone seemed to have that same nervous look in their eyes. I had never saw some of these People before in my life but some of their names sounded familiar, like I had heard or seen them somewhere before.
My form teacher started calling the register in Alphabetical order as usual as she was calling out some of the names of people who were in a different class the previous year I looked around curiously to see who Answered to each name. But there was one name in particular that I payed close attention to.
As she called her name out I turned around rapidly, from that moment on I knew I liked her. I had recognised her name from a sign on one of the walls in my year eight music rooms, it must have been her previous form class. I remembered the previous year I had looked at all the names in the signs and her name stuck out to me I remember asking myself " Who is she ?" but From that moment on I was determined to get to know her better but I knew it would definitely be a challenge considering how nervous I even feel around some of my friends. Like I can't be myslef because I'm just not good enough. Being told that constantly had alot of effects on me.
It was a normal day before the following events happend that probably destroyed all and any chance I even had with her, On a random day in registration there was a notice that the kindness notes were going to be happening again they were this kind of note you would send to someone or to your friends that had a kind or encouraging note inside it. It was either break or lunch when one of my Best friends had the idea of sending a note to her crush that had a secret coded message saying she liked her so I decided 1 would do something similar tho instead of writing her name in a different colour I underlined it and so on.
Fastforward some time after that in registration the notes were being handed out my heart was beating a million miles per hour at this point. When I saw that she got her note I felt sick I couldn't even hear myslef think over the loud pounding over and over In my chest I felt like I was about to die. But then the worst thing that could possibly have happened happened, one of my friends practically screamed out " that's Hannas handwriting" I heard my neame being called several times from behind me knowing what was going to happen next, But to my surprise She never asked me about it.
Fastforward a while later, She sat Infront of me in maths I occasionally spoke to her and she occasionally spoke to me tho I neviously turned away I regret that To this day I also threw highlighters at her back I don't know why I did it tho I just did . Sometimes we were even made to sit beside eachother it was VERY awkward . Especially as we just sat there in silence one time she even moved back to her old seat even tho she had no one to sit beside as her friend was off on that day. My friends had told me they saw her looking at me alot and for the first time I finally saw a glimpse of hope.
I texted her to appologize from anything that I had caused by sending the note her was the exact message I sent to her ( I took out her name tho )
Hey ____! I wanted to say I'm sorry for sending you that kindness note cause I cause I know you probably don't like me back, and I'm ok with that. And personaly looking back at it now, I think it wasn't the best idea sending it at In first place. Though I just wanted to apologize for sending that incase it's complected anything in your life, I hope things aren't awkward!
A day past I was anxiously waiting for a response, At break I briefly checked my phone and to my surprise I saw that I had gotten a response it read:
No no don't worry at all, it's perfectly fine. I don't think anything has been or is awkward haha. It was one of my other friends birthday partys soon and she had gotten invited, One of my friends had heard her say to a friend " it's ________ birthday on Saturday but what does she expect me to do date her?' I don't think anything could have prepared me for that moment. Hearing those words hurt me even more than I can explain I felt like someone had literally stabbed me in the heart.
Heartbroken at this point I stupidly replied with a smiley face fastforwarding a while later I would occasionally text her asking how she was and asking how her day had been I mostly always got a response but that definitely didn't last long. She even sat with me at lunch two times with her friend I was too nervous to even speak tho and ended up staring at a tree half the time but when I did try to speak half my words got jumbled up I looked like such an idiot.
Fastforwarding some more time later on the last day of year nine I texted her asking her out but as I expected I got left on read. I knew it was going to happen but deep down I thought she would have replied I thought she would have said yes but I was wrong.Of course I was wron. I started to follow her on instigram and found some shocking information out about her on one of her friends instigram accounts I won't share it on here but I was definitely shocked by what I had found I didn't expect it at all.
I'm dreading year ten to have to face her again but the worst part is no matter what I find out about her, no matter what she says and Dosent say to me I still like her...
© M
Everyone sat down beside their friends or people that they knew, everyone seemed to have that same nervous look in their eyes. I had never saw some of these People before in my life but some of their names sounded familiar, like I had heard or seen them somewhere before.
My form teacher started calling the register in Alphabetical order as usual as she was calling out some of the names of people who were in a different class the previous year I looked around curiously to see who Answered to each name. But there was one name in particular that I payed close attention to.
As she called her name out I turned around rapidly, from that moment on I knew I liked her. I had recognised her name from a sign on one of the walls in my year eight music rooms, it must have been her previous form class. I remembered the previous year I had looked at all the names in the signs and her name stuck out to me I remember asking myself " Who is she ?" but From that moment on I was determined to get to know her better but I knew it would definitely be a challenge considering how nervous I even feel around some of my friends. Like I can't be myslef because I'm just not good enough. Being told that constantly had alot of effects on me.
It was a normal day before the following events happend that probably destroyed all and any chance I even had with her, On a random day in registration there was a notice that the kindness notes were going to be happening again they were this kind of note you would send to someone or to your friends that had a kind or encouraging note inside it. It was either break or lunch when one of my Best friends had the idea of sending a note to her crush that had a secret coded message saying she liked her so I decided 1 would do something similar tho instead of writing her name in a different colour I underlined it and so on.
Fastforward some time after that in registration the notes were being handed out my heart was beating a million miles per hour at this point. When I saw that she got her note I felt sick I couldn't even hear myslef think over the loud pounding over and over In my chest I felt like I was about to die. But then the worst thing that could possibly have happened happened, one of my friends practically screamed out " that's Hannas handwriting" I heard my neame being called several times from behind me knowing what was going to happen next, But to my surprise She never asked me about it.
Fastforward a while later, She sat Infront of me in maths I occasionally spoke to her and she occasionally spoke to me tho I neviously turned away I regret that To this day I also threw highlighters at her back I don't know why I did it tho I just did . Sometimes we were even made to sit beside eachother it was VERY awkward . Especially as we just sat there in silence one time she even moved back to her old seat even tho she had no one to sit beside as her friend was off on that day. My friends had told me they saw her looking at me alot and for the first time I finally saw a glimpse of hope.
I texted her to appologize from anything that I had caused by sending the note her was the exact message I sent to her ( I took out her name tho )
Hey ____! I wanted to say I'm sorry for sending you that kindness note cause I cause I know you probably don't like me back, and I'm ok with that. And personaly looking back at it now, I think it wasn't the best idea sending it at In first place. Though I just wanted to apologize for sending that incase it's complected anything in your life, I hope things aren't awkward!
A day past I was anxiously waiting for a response, At break I briefly checked my phone and to my surprise I saw that I had gotten a response it read:
No no don't worry at all, it's perfectly fine. I don't think anything has been or is awkward haha. It was one of my other friends birthday partys soon and she had gotten invited, One of my friends had heard her say to a friend " it's ________ birthday on Saturday but what does she expect me to do date her?' I don't think anything could have prepared me for that moment. Hearing those words hurt me even more than I can explain I felt like someone had literally stabbed me in the heart.
Heartbroken at this point I stupidly replied with a smiley face fastforwarding a while later I would occasionally text her asking how she was and asking how her day had been I mostly always got a response but that definitely didn't last long. She even sat with me at lunch two times with her friend I was too nervous to even speak tho and ended up staring at a tree half the time but when I did try to speak half my words got jumbled up I looked like such an idiot.
Fastforwarding some more time later on the last day of year nine I texted her asking her out but as I expected I got left on read. I knew it was going to happen but deep down I thought she would have replied I thought she would have said yes but I was wrong.Of course I was wron. I started to follow her on instigram and found some shocking information out about her on one of her friends instigram accounts I won't share it on here but I was definitely shocked by what I had found I didn't expect it at all.
I'm dreading year ten to have to face her again but the worst part is no matter what I find out about her, no matter what she says and Dosent say to me I still like her...
© M
