part 2 of part 1

September 22, 1992
Bob's 52nd!
I'm going to mee Gordon in half an hour - to go cycling. I'm taking some time to sit here over-looking Whitemud Creek to write. I feel Gordon called me because no one else is around. I am trying to remain friends, but I almost resent him. I must pay him today.
My nice new car is getting to cost me money already. Oh well.
I saw Jim Hakowieg today. Seems useless to pursue anything.
Spiritually, I'm growing so quickly. Apparently Dom has asked Gordon and ME!! to organize the March for Jesus!!
Humbling, cstatic, enthusiasm, awe.

September 23, 1992
Went to Chickaroo Lake with Gordon today and got there after much ado at his place!
Learned through telling Gordon that maybe what one is bothered by in others stems from a reaction in oneself to something in us..past experience not dealt with.
I felt I could be close to Gordon but I cannot allow myself to be because I fear it won't be reciprocated and I'll feel really foolish and rejected.
When we hugged several times, I know I was only doing so half-heartedly and would not allow more. He seems to be playing games. Why can we not be open and honest! Am I only feeling these things? Is he really so unaware? He gives messages which are interpreted in ways in which he may or may not mean them but of which I feel he should be made aware. When I parrated his phrase of "I don't feel enough for you to pursue anything further" he replied without a hug, "but Noreen I don't feel that way". Games, games, mind games.
I won't soon forget the beauty of the sun, reflecting the gold of the trees, on the glass still lake. I was up until 2 A.M again!
When I arrived home "How to Handle Tough Times" was in my mail! God is providing.
And in my prayer time I relaized during the March for Jesus we have to figure out HOW...