hours pass slowly when you aren't with me
lonely and mostly silent
loud tv to fill the void as I wait for you to return
I miss you and I know you need sleep
but -god- do I need you
especially in times like these
things aren't the worst
but they aren't the best
don't take it wrong
I'm in a good place
I just need you with me to help it feel all right
things feel off and time slows when you're gone
I await your return but the longer it takes the more tired I get
the more lonely it feels
oh what I would give to just have you here
you wouldn't know
I would sell my soul for even a day
a day of adventures
and snuggles and kisses
all cute things couples do
though we both know that would be for the worst
because with you time flies and sure we've got a ton
but not when it's just a day
I would sell my soul
I would sell a million not even my own
to freeze time
to stay with you
to keep you with me
I would do it all
I need you and we both know it
though sometimes it's not the clearest
I wait up for you
I grow tired
but never tired of being with you
at some point this is ridiculously rambly
but do I ever stop?
no.
because I love you and I need you
I cannot imagine a life without you
you make waiting worth it all
no matter how tired I get
no matter how hard things get
no matter how long the years feel
I will always be here
awaiting the return of my love
and the impending doom of my slumber

pete writes it all out in the text box of his messaging app. his long-time boyfriend slumbering in wait to see it when he awakes.

"I love what your mind spits up at night," he would always say.

pete would laugh and smile a stupid smile. "okay, sure,"

"no, really!" he would poke pete's cheek, that giant smile spread ear to ear. "I love knowing what's going through that beautiful mind of yours."

pete laughs about it now, how excited patrick always was to see messages like these. to be honest, pete loved how excited he was- simply knowing that someone genuinely enjoyed seeing the things that came to him at night- the good things anyway. he loved it. and he loved him.

at some point patrick stopped loving him though.

it hurt- of course it did. pete was still so in love with the bastard who broke him.

though, now he sat in his bed, drunk off his ass as he typed out this stupid love letter. it was a bad idea, but he could not stop thinking of him.

when was the last time he had a good idea?
it had been a -long- time.

he was sure he would not even get a response, but part of him always hoped he would.

of course. he still had not moved on.

here is how it would go:

patrick would awake, read the message of his drunken ex and delete it. patrick would not even have the number, but he would recognize it.

over the years, he had memorized it, though the numbers would now be slipping from him- it would barely even be familiar.

patrick would probably even block him. pete would not blame him.

patrick would then roll back over and cuddle up to brendon. like he does now- nearly every morning since.

that was how pete always thought of it.

though, pete was not really one for thinking, was he? not right now.

he laughs, wiping hysterical tears from his eyes as he sends his unlocked emotions.

too late now.

a moment after it was sent, pete actually thinks for the first time in -hours-.

pete thinks, "why did I do that? what do I expect?"
though no one and nothing can answer him. he is alone, and thinking only to himself.

tired, pete finds himself curling up in his bed, hugging himself and falling asleep quickly.

what would become of him if he had even an ounce of self restraint?

maybe he would get over patrick. he would probably stop thinking about him. he would stop having late nights writing long I miss you and I need you texts.

maybe he would get his life together, and things would not be so bad. he would have an actual job. he would be able to keep his mind stable. he would not have to drink so much to get a good night's sleep.

but who really knows?
pete was a wreck and always had been.

no wonder patrick stopped loving him.