I loved her more than anyone else
I don't know how to explain this
Because she is not a mother, she was either a friend or a brother.
Nor a lover she was.
But I could say that I felt for her more than I did with anybody else.
Not that I felt for her as a face or a body.
But as a person and as an idea.
I am not in love with her.
But I loved her so so much.
I would die for her.
Its true,
I am not ready to live
Not for her, and not for me.
Nor for anybody else.
Not yet!
But I am ready to sacrifice..
To shed a tear?
To give my life for thee?
You can say that it was the need that was expecting to be seen
My need to die?
The self-destruction in me.
But no...
With her its so different
Because... If I would die today,
at least my death would have some kind of meaning.
But I am not ready not even for that.
Maybe its because she wouldn't know.
Or maybe its because I am too weak
to face something like this.
But this is what I want.
More than anything, in this world.
To be ready to sacrifice.
Maybe this is the reason why I've chosen her
I had to choose somebody
Since I couldn't choose me.
But what I need, is her to be around.
To sacrifice for a new life?
I would do it.
To sacrifice by giving this life?
I would do it.
But what I ask is for her to be around.
Because I need her to know that what I do is just for her.
And in that moment, I need to see her tears rolling down her face.
Not because I want to see her in pain, no.
But because I love her.
I want our minds to communicate in that very last moment.
Everywhere you are, even if you are one of those who are reading this letter, I wanted to ask you not to misunderestimate me.
Because this is not a loving letter.
But its a letter that came out of love.
Or in a need of love.
It was came out of courage,
or in a need for courage.
It is true.
I would die and I would live for you.
You have the key to my soul.
Because I have already died for you.
And I would do it once more.
Today is my birthday.
They asked me, what is my one last wish.
I didn't tell them.
But my wish will stay still.
And that is for her to 'hug me'.
Please, come. Mother.
Even though you are not mine.