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The Starman
A lot of people give me a ton of shit about my “obsession” with David Bowie… here’s a story that might explain why I owe that man my life. If it weren’t for his music I would be dead due to the pain I felt as a teenager. From being different, from liking certain things that most people find to be taboo.
I remember it was night time. I’m not sure if it was AM or PM, but it was dark. It was just like any old Tuesday for me. I had gone to school, I had zombied through it, and I had come home. However, something was about to be different.
I’m pretty sure I had my bed kitty cornered at the time, and I was nestled in the space between the wall and the bed. I don’t know if I was hiding from anyone who would stop me from what I was about to do, or from the shame I had at the thought of me doing it.
I was wearing some raggedy jeans and a black sweatshirt. It was the only thing I could stomach to see myself in at the time. Confidence takes time I suppose. Any way, I was holding something thin and metallic in my shaking hand. The blade was pressed against my wrist but I hadn’t moved it yet. I could hear only faintly my computer playing a wide range of music on shuffle. However, my hearing was fading in and out. All I could hear really was my heart beat.
As I was about to slide the razor up my wrist, the music suddenly came in to sharp focus. I heard a familiar voice saying “Oh no love, you’re not alone.” I don’t know why it stuck out, I don’t know how, but it was as if a kind voice were whispering it directly in my ear. The blade slipped from my hand as if someone had knocked it away. It fluttered to the floor and got stuck in the carpet. I quickly went to pick it up, but it was as if there was something holding it from me.
Again, more passionately this time I hear “Oh no love, you’re not alone.” It struck me in the heart, and the tears began to flow.
That was the absolute last time I had ever tried to commit suicide. I have cut since then, although by now we are almost at the three year mark. I’m very proud of myself. I am also very thankful to the man singing those words. I swear that night something had physically grabbed that blade out of my hand. Whether it was just the intensity of the moment, or something more, David Bowie saved me that night. And I will be forever grateful.
Chapter 2. Watchful Starman
Even in death our brightest stars never fade from our hearts. They affect us. More so than the tragedy of their deaths. They linger for us. Never truly leaving.
A girl weeps. A Blade to her tired wrist. Alone. Or so she feels. But a Starmans voice awakens her from her fading light, expelling the darkness that threatens to consume it. It flickers for a moment before growing in to a beacon that illuminates her world as it had been when she was a mere innocent child.
The Starman holds her hands gently as the blade falls from existence. He smile, helping her to her feet. Time stops as he whispers in her ear, “Oh no love, you're not alone.” His eyes meet hers and she watches him disappear as if taken over by a gentle wind.
She can no longer see him, though she knows she will never be alone again. Her Starman was watching over her now. Whispering in her ear in times of need.
“Oh no love you're not alone...”
I remember it was night time. I’m not sure if it was AM or PM, but it was dark. It was just like any old Tuesday for me. I had gone to school, I had zombied through it, and I had come home. However, something was about to be different.
I’m pretty sure I had my bed kitty cornered at the time, and I was nestled in the space between the wall and the bed. I don’t know if I was hiding from anyone who would stop me from what I was about to do, or from the shame I had at the thought of me doing it.
I was wearing some raggedy jeans and a black sweatshirt. It was the only thing I could stomach to see myself in at the time. Confidence takes time I suppose. Any way, I was holding something thin and metallic in my shaking hand. The blade was pressed against my wrist but I hadn’t moved it yet. I could hear only faintly my computer playing a wide range of music on shuffle. However, my hearing was fading in and out. All I could hear really was my heart beat.
As I was about to slide the razor up my wrist, the music suddenly came in to sharp focus. I heard a familiar voice saying “Oh no love, you’re not alone.” I don’t know why it stuck out, I don’t know how, but it was as if a kind voice were whispering it directly in my ear. The blade slipped from my hand as if someone had knocked it away. It fluttered to the floor and got stuck in the carpet. I quickly went to pick it up, but it was as if there was something holding it from me.
Again, more passionately this time I hear “Oh no love, you’re not alone.” It struck me in the heart, and the tears began to flow.
That was the absolute last time I had ever tried to commit suicide. I have cut since then, although by now we are almost at the three year mark. I’m very proud of myself. I am also very thankful to the man singing those words. I swear that night something had physically grabbed that blade out of my hand. Whether it was just the intensity of the moment, or something more, David Bowie saved me that night. And I will be forever grateful.
Chapter 2. Watchful Starman
Even in death our brightest stars never fade from our hearts. They affect us. More so than the tragedy of their deaths. They linger for us. Never truly leaving.
A girl weeps. A Blade to her tired wrist. Alone. Or so she feels. But a Starmans voice awakens her from her fading light, expelling the darkness that threatens to consume it. It flickers for a moment before growing in to a beacon that illuminates her world as it had been when she was a mere innocent child.
The Starman holds her hands gently as the blade falls from existence. He smile, helping her to her feet. Time stops as he whispers in her ear, “Oh no love, you're not alone.” His eyes meet hers and she watches him disappear as if taken over by a gentle wind.
She can no longer see him, though she knows she will never be alone again. Her Starman was watching over her now. Whispering in her ear in times of need.
“Oh no love you're not alone...”
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