I loved being touched,
I loved hugging people,
messing around,
when I was younger I was the touchy one,
my sister was not,
she hated being touched, hugged, messing around, when ever I'd annoy her, or hug her,
she shook me if, always yelling
"GET OFF ME"
"DONT TUCH ME"
she's never been a touchy person since birth,
I used to be,
but now?
feeling hands on my shoulders,
or somebody grabbing me suddenly,
my throat clogs up,
I don't want dirty hands touching me,
my mom got a boyfriend, 4 years ago,
he proposed to my mom 1 and a half later, and they have been fiances since then, I'm fine with that, but feeling the hands of a man, kissing my forehead, hugging me, putting his arm on my shoulder, him touching my knees, Rubin g his hand on my leg, anywhere he touched, fills me with disgust,
because
"his"
hands once touched me,
I'll call him "J"
"J" who hunts me in my nightmares,
j made me not like being touched,
I still rber the feeling of his hands grabbing my body,
I still rember laying still in bed, pretending I was asleep, letting him tuche me everywhere that shouldn't be touched...
as I'm siting at my table working on a project, my sister comes up, talking to me,
my mom's fiance comes up, tuches my faces, kisses my foreheadand hugse, I feel like barfing,
I take his had off my face and say "don't touch me in working on something" he's teases, hugging me and messing around,
I want to cry,
to they don't know,
they don't know,
they don't know,
they don't know,
I tell myself trying to remember to relax
wait till he's done,
let him do whatever and leave,
my sister then says
"why are you acting like me"
what?
I think, what?
"I'm not, I just don't want to be touched right now"
"your always touchy, you literally always hugged people and touched them" my sister says,
they don't know, I remind myself,
how could they?
I never told them,
"j" he's been doing it since I was 10,
years and years of me slowly not liked being touched, but "that" year?
he ruined me,
I hate the feeling of peoples hands on me,
no, not "people", "guys" hands on me,
I don't like it, I don't want it,
but I don't want to be rude to my mom's fiance,
I know he thinks of me as his daughter,
and that all,
but I don't trust men,
to many have been nice to be, with having a motive,
no more can I trust "men"







© Æλ.D