Toxicity is the worst drug.
Just like heroin,
The mind clings to the little highs
And hits rock bottom with the numerous lows.

Slowly but gradually addiction comes in
You find yourself doing anything to get those temporary highs
You'd do anything for him
To look at you with a smile

You don't realize how much effect his smile has on you
Just one smile can make your day
Not just a smile but HIS smile

The key for him is to fill you up
Fill you with so many highs
Then one day he takes them back
Just as he easily gave them
He easily collects

Your mind and probably your body
Remembers how good the highs were
You Start craving those highs
You crave his attention
You crave his touch
You find yourself doing anything for his approval
For once he approves of your behavior
you're as high as a kite

At first, he's nice...he says the right things
He does the right things
He makes you feel good
He always makes and effort
Words of affirmation pours from his mouth
Basically he is "Mr Nice"

He's smart, he says the right things
He does the right things
You state your opinions and he listens
He tells you how you're more than just your body
Beauty with brains he says
Basically he is "Mr Smart"

He's considerate, he says the right things
He does the right things
He understands your insecurities
Tell you he loves you for you
He call your insecurities Perfect imperfections
Basically he is "Mr Right"

By this time you're enjoying the ride
The relationship to you
Seems to be your best
He's different you say
Then slowly but gradually
You let your guard down
Once again love creeps in

Mr Nice or Mr Smart or Mr Right
He knows you're in love
They can always tell you know
And so can we
He used to give you a hundred percent
But now he gives you fifty

You're worried and confused
You bring up the topic with him
And he says the right things
After all, he is "Mr Right"
Words without actions holds no water
And in time fifty percent turns to thirty

You tried talking before
And nothing changed
You tell yourself you know your worth
You tell yourself you don't care
You tell yourself you deserve better
So you act like you don't care
But the sad reality is, you very much do

You miss the good times
Not knowing they were pills
Pills he fed you in the beginning
Now he's giving you less pills
And you can't stand it
You start craving the pills
Because of the highs

You go back, you talk to him
You tell him you're tired
You say you know your worth
You tell him "we're done"
With the hope he'll beg
Of course he begs, he is "Mr Nice"
And he's not done with you yet

He gives you what you need
He makes you feel so good
You're floating on cloud nine
He's all yours you think
He just took me almost leaving
For him to realize he loves me you think

The fact that you're back a third time
Tells him all he needs to know
You're now an addict, says "Mr Smart"
He drops from the ninety he gave you When you ran back a third time to a ten

These things start slowly
Everything starts slowly
An encounter with a "nice" guy
Turned to several encounters with
your therapist

Little things really do matter
And he knows so he uses that to his advantage
Doing little things that you cherish so much
So little, yet you react with so much joy
Like an addict who receives the smallest gram of heroin

He messes up again, for the....
At this point you've lost count
All you know is that
With each mess up you forgive
You hear the excuses he gives
You know he's lying
You know he's bad for you
You know he's at fault
But to get the highs you're addicted to
You stick around...you mutter
"It's fine, I forgive you"

With time you're a shadow of yourself
Only happy when smiles at you
You can hardly do anything
You're constantly worried
Scared of when next he'll mess up
Always thinking "how long will it last this time"

He knows what he has done
He knows what he is doing
Trust me, they always know
He looks at you, quickly diminishing
Whatever respect he had for you
Never give a guy more than two chances
The more chance they get
The more the respect they have for you disappears

He met a beautiful woman
He met a smart woman
He met an outstanding woman
But he's left staring at a shadow
You can't feed his ego anymore
And he knows it
Like a predator, he preys on great women
He needs an amazing woman to bring down to feed his ego
To him you're no longer needed

If you're lucky he's dumps you
Immediately he realizes this
If you're unlucky
If stays but cheats on you with someone else
Putting salt on your wounds
Because you'll find out eventually
As usual you talk to him waiting for him to say the "right" things
But he uses your once perfect imperfections to taunt you
Walking away is never easy
Once you're at this stage
If he doesn't let you go
Then you'll stick around
For a while longer

You're free but withdrawal is hard
You take time off to heal
Obviously you never fully heal
The silver lining is
There's actually always your MR RIGHT
He says the right things
But you take it with a pinch of salt
He does the right things
But you Find ways to question them

Never letting yourself believe you can be loved
Never letting yourself love as much as you did before
Never letting yourself believe you deserve love
Even when MR RIGHT comes around
Because you've been broken so bad
That you feel undeserving of love.

We all pray for MR RIGHT
But not everyone is that lucky
To skip the frogs and kiss the prince immediately.
Those who aren't lucky
Kiss those frogs
MR RIGHT will be worth it















© BLUESOUL