Sea of questions swimming inside my head, but no one to answer them.

Am I that bad?
Do I push away everyone who really cares about me?
Was I born to always feel this way?

Broken beyond repair,
Saddened I am,
Hurting? Yes I am.

Thought I could do these, but you've made my life a living hell.

I thought you would change but now I know you won't.

Does it have to be like this always?
I always cared and loved you but what did you do?

You gave me pain, broken heart, saddened soul.

It's just was all a sham, you pretended to love me but now you pretence has cost me my entire sanity.

"It was just a bet." You said.

This bet of yours has taken away my entire being, leaving me in the darkest place I have ever seen.

This bet of yours has become the reason for my downfall, now am left completely broken and pained.

You had a bet on me and now I am suffering for the sin you did.

Is it because I love you?
Is it because am obsessed about you?
Is it because I can't let you go?
Is it because you filled the empty hole in me for a while, and I thought you could be mine forever?
Is it because I cared too much to brush off all the mistakes you've been making?
Is it because I want you?
Is it because I need you?
Is it because of my selfish desire to keep you in my life?
Is it because I made you my first priority, and now I can't take you off my list?
Is it because you gave me the attention and love I needed at some point?
Is it because even though you're the worst human on earth but you seem like an angel to me?
Or is it because you've manipulated me that I can't seem to stop loving you?

Is that why I am still holding on to a broken love?
A love that was never even there.
A love that never existed.
A love that never existed but then it made me suffer these much.
A love that never existed but made my life miserable.
A love that never existed but it took my whole.


But even after knowing all these I can't seem to stop loving you.

I just can't seem to stop.

© kaya N