If you see me you may Wonder,
and accidentally make a mistake or blunder, you see I may suffer, but not with the ordinary devices, my intrinsic value is set upon my distinct view that's not diminished in any way from the outside source to me.
they're not common vices my devices that I suffer from independently of all other.
I'm not bogged down like most I'm free to roam come and go as I will and wish.
I'm not boasting in at least or the most or any way whatsoever.
but it's always been and it'll always will be I always get right on when I just don't want much that's the Wonder.
but what alludes me the most is what I most wondered that I wish I had.
to tell you simple and true it's just to be certainly happy and blissful and joyful to.
but see they're in lies the calendar and the predicament that I am in.
because of my intellect and my scope of view looking from the outside in I see more than I want to.
I try my best to remove myself from people places and things. mostly people do not hate them no not in the least I love them so much it's just incredible.
but see they don't know how to control their energies or shield them from other people and as I walk by and they come by or see them around I feel their emotions quaking shaking and entering my soul telling me things I don't want to know or feel.
I've never been able to turn it down never been able to turn it away I've always bare their burdens and every single way I see the things they went through I feel the things they did I know the things that are inside of them that they don't know that they thought they hid.
it's so intense at times that I cannot find how I feel at any given moment my own machines overtake me and I feel their feelings and don't know where mine belong.
inconsequently this takes a toll on me and takes away my joy happiness and Bliss. because I'm living there actions of their hidden emotions and the ones they can control that are obvious in every way. I said so long ago and so much has been true. people are all open books to me I read them through and through. but at last I see this what's happened to me this thing called twin flame, can't really say much about it except I'm living her feelings now and haven't been in mind in a while. she's projecting and expecting me to run and come to her but as she does she has the doubt and she's trying to be a boss at about it too which is projecting me to run and have doubt to. I can only suggest that she can pass this test by humbling herself and complying and listening to me. not because I'm better older wiser smarter. because I've been through this situation and I've actually changed the reason that I can understand and I know she can too. you have to give to receive, you have to let go to find. you have to give up hate and doubt. only then will it come about. she came to me last night I know she did I felt her so close to me. didn't a moment of doubt I thought treachery was at play and she ran away from me. then later on others came and I was in no mood so I simply said if you want me dead then hurry up and kill me fool. not that I have a wish to die but I don't have a lack of wanting it neither. if you understand that then you know where I am it doesn't matter if I live or die cuz I'll be here all the time. I was one of the first I'll be the last. I was the highest now I'm very low, my wings have been broken I've been cast down I've been cast out to leave us in Vandenberg and build myself back up. no doubt I will, my ability to ascertain overcome and surmount, is my strongest points except for my love instead of hate. I hope you all have love in your heart and that propagate some propagates and set you free from all hate, I say this to my spiritual family I love you all, this pain is showing me something that I have not seen before. I think I am grateful for this experience too. peace out love you all.
Thomas Ott
© dejectedpeot_flowing