2 views
Darling Grief
Darling grief,
You wrote me letters before you arrived.
Dressed up with horrific symptoms
Cursed upon the thing I loved.
Red flags waving in the distance,
I didn't know how close you were.
Denial was sweet but made me claustrophobic.
Because acceptance was something I'd have to work on.
But it all takes time but I'm impatient to feel better.
Little butterfly flaoting passed my nose as I walked.
"Happiness like a Butterfly" by Lana Del Rey I played for him.
On repeat in my ear.
I didn't know how much I needed him before he left in my arms.
Stupid Grief, how stupid your ache is, to heal the wounds you inflicted is so damn hard.
We both needed more time together.
But stupid grief, you have not a care in the world about it.
He was so very little and his pink beans on his paws so perfect.
But you're blind and couldn't see him right.
I'm not blind but my vision won't stop disorienting from tears.
I sang songs the night before.
I wish I could tonight.
I'm sure you make a lot of people cry.
You are too immaculate at your job.
Can you loosen up your grip for just a few moments at least so I can catch my breath?
I can't function like this.
Darling grief, I suppose we should shake hands and communicate if you're sticking around for awhile.
But please let go when my heart can beat without a ton of weight lagging it down into my stomach.
You haven't given me much anger
But you've left me with a torn open void and thousands of memories I can't stop pulling up.
Gasoline to a match.
Ashamed that I feel so deeply,
I usually can match on through the cobwebs.
But instead I'm swimming through tar.
People's voices and stories fly over my head.
I'm caught up in my own world.
Making the bed, my face glazed.
I did the right thing, I know.
But it doesn't mean it feels like it.
Headlights whizzing on by and each bump in the road, there might've been a sliver of hope I held onto.
As he held on to my thigh.
And extinguished hope can be more agonizing than grief itself.
Darling Grief if I could throw you into flames, pin you into the ground and strangle you until you sink into the cracks in the earth, I would.
I was convinced I'd feel some kind of relief after his departure that ended his suffering
but darling Grief, you're a liar too...
2022-2023
Merr, MerrBall, Eeyore
"It's ok."
You wrote me letters before you arrived.
Dressed up with horrific symptoms
Cursed upon the thing I loved.
Red flags waving in the distance,
I didn't know how close you were.
Denial was sweet but made me claustrophobic.
Because acceptance was something I'd have to work on.
But it all takes time but I'm impatient to feel better.
Little butterfly flaoting passed my nose as I walked.
"Happiness like a Butterfly" by Lana Del Rey I played for him.
On repeat in my ear.
I didn't know how much I needed him before he left in my arms.
Stupid Grief, how stupid your ache is, to heal the wounds you inflicted is so damn hard.
We both needed more time together.
But stupid grief, you have not a care in the world about it.
He was so very little and his pink beans on his paws so perfect.
But you're blind and couldn't see him right.
I'm not blind but my vision won't stop disorienting from tears.
I sang songs the night before.
I wish I could tonight.
I'm sure you make a lot of people cry.
You are too immaculate at your job.
Can you loosen up your grip for just a few moments at least so I can catch my breath?
I can't function like this.
Darling grief, I suppose we should shake hands and communicate if you're sticking around for awhile.
But please let go when my heart can beat without a ton of weight lagging it down into my stomach.
You haven't given me much anger
But you've left me with a torn open void and thousands of memories I can't stop pulling up.
Gasoline to a match.
Ashamed that I feel so deeply,
I usually can match on through the cobwebs.
But instead I'm swimming through tar.
People's voices and stories fly over my head.
I'm caught up in my own world.
Making the bed, my face glazed.
I did the right thing, I know.
But it doesn't mean it feels like it.
Headlights whizzing on by and each bump in the road, there might've been a sliver of hope I held onto.
As he held on to my thigh.
And extinguished hope can be more agonizing than grief itself.
Darling Grief if I could throw you into flames, pin you into the ground and strangle you until you sink into the cracks in the earth, I would.
I was convinced I'd feel some kind of relief after his departure that ended his suffering
but darling Grief, you're a liar too...
2022-2023
Merr, MerrBall, Eeyore
"It's ok."
