Reading artwork from internets formless has made me feel better than I have in weeks,
More than any other website I've used lately I've used to distract from what makes me weak,
Better than any site where image is self serving,
and feeling that now only revives the spin that has been routed to plant a world that only keeps stable when my spin stays consuming,
and reminds me more of why I hate my own image,
The one reminds of what I attempted at most for anyone who gave me privilege,
the face I feel curses me more than anything I have felt ever before,
The image lovers pray for and then leave when most needed at my core,
The reinforcement in myself to enjoy the time and friendships I have single I can atleast mainatin now,
Especially knowing another attempt is to harmful for myself to want even now,
I'm more in control when formless,
I'm more fulfilled in all of even in all my loneliness,
I have the friends I will always keep if love is ignored and gradually returned to emotionally sound,
The only love that never failed to encourage me has only been with the friends in my surrounds,
Even attempting again would break me,
The failure of removed trust will be any new lovers predicted failure,
Even before any fault of hia could even be his to take blame,
I can't make myself trust like I did when my innocienc helped being blind,
The truth only made monogamy more futile and friendships longevity my option now I find,
seeking the love I wanted will invite my own esteem destruction,
This abstinence saves both parties hearts at our probable combustion,
I'd give anything to have my mind again blind,
but awake i only friend comfort farther from monogamy with the last attempts ruining much deeper my own mind,
Only other formless artists and peers envoke feelings that sharing and reading helps me with freeing my binds,
The last attempts are the parts that made me this insane.
The pain felt then is the worst Ive ever in life had to find,
Avoiding the source of my most painful times is all I can do to save what's left of any hope threaded to my current mind,

© Carly S. Rhymes