I hope you know when I say "family"
I mean the ones who truly loved me
Who put their guards down and held me closely
Through every scraped knee and playground bully
My big sister sacrificed her social life
To put my dinner on the table
And check for monsters in the closet

She grew up without an ounce of freedom or peace or privacy
But was always there for none other than me
And when I say sister I mean angel
Because she taught me the same

That love is not a hand out
And is not to be held over someone's head
It's more than a word
That respect is earned
And family will always come home
When I say mom

It's just a learned phrase because I don't have one
What do you really expect me to say?
To someone who always came home late
While avoiding every mistake she ever made
Just to complain that we didn't love her enough
Every day was a conversation of how we were wrong

And how that made a single mom look
After she chased her husband away
Calling cops to keep him there
Just to say he never tried
That he couldn't care less if we died
Some how you expect my thanks to be directed towards you

But that won't happen because the cycle repeats
Now I've got somewhere to be
A younger sibling who scraped her knee
Who needs lunch and homework
And an outlet
And I hope she will never forget that when I say I'll always be there

I mean family is a piece of my soul
No matter how far or old
Or lost we become
I'll at least pick up the phone
With a smile
Because even though it wasn't you

I always had a hand to hold
And even though it wasn't you
She was never cold
Even though growing up
The 3 of us always felt alone
I know I'm not the only one who misses

Those days

The days when the sun was warm on our skin
When we had coolaide and chalk in our hands
Tik tac toe while the neighbors watched in awe remembering their days before crack
They were our family too

Handing us coats and cookies in the winter
Even telling us that drugs were bad
Maybe they prevented a habit
Growing older I learned to love this makeshift family
From siblings to neighbors plus friends,
And other pieces we picked up along the way

Because when I grew up
(Maybe we all did too soon)
But we put together our own values
Learning from your excuses
No matter how lost you swear I am
I know that family was real

If you're disappointed with the way we turned out
Maybe you should have put down the wine, the keys, the smokes the old creep you called a boyfriend

Maybe you should have come home to make dinner or help with homework or sign our papers even just to hear our stories
But you didn't so here we are
With you criticizing my choice in living with the person you ran out
The one I call dad

Telling me there's things I don't know about
You have no room to be pissed
With my hatred of education and choice of chicks over guys
You were never there so accept it
Because I'm proud of my family

Makeshift as it is

We're far apart now but that isn't forever
I'm not lost but I will always wander
So I hope you remember that because of you
We will always be partly bitter and always know how to seek something better
© RunawayTay