That day , I met him once again. Though we never exchanged a single word ever since that late summer; I graduated from highschool up to 2 years in senior high school.

I still couldn't forget the fact that he was that cheeky kid who used to bully or tease when i was in first year highschool— might due to my timid and weird personality, or appearance.
Now.. I'm currently in third year college, and I completely didn't expect seeing him in the same near private college I enter to, maybe because just had the same hometown, I guess.

I think he's in morning session while I'm at the afternoon. I used to see him during programs too. I just happened to recognize his face from afar, but when we crossed roads, I always pretend I didn't know him like the crowd.
Today, it was my first time seeing him up close. I literally froze like seeing a ghost.
I was standing nearby a line and waiting for my younger brother to come out of his classroom, and I stupidly grinned as I saw the face of my brother as he facepalmed when he saw me outside waving at him.

I thought my brother looked very funny so I took my phone to send him a message. When the next moment suddenly left me dumfounded —someone just walked infront of me; pulled out a chair and directly sat next to me(although there was a considerable amount of distance, thank goodness).

Yet in that exact moment, I got to observe his features. I'm flabbergasted , since the familiar person looked quite rough. With a bit of stubbles covering his jaw, and his pale white face with discerning eyes. He definitely looked mature, far different from that boy who used to pull my hair or punch my arm out of nowhere. I didn't knew what I should do but for 5 seconds, I just stood there like a statue, as if trying to ignore his presence. But, maybe it's just me overthinking, he definitely feels like he's about to ask something.

Reasonably, I was standing nearby a line so he might be there to comply something. So yeah, I got concurred by that reason, and chose to swiftly walked away, without looking back.

To avoid any misunderstandings that I was there beside him to fall into a line too, and feel silly for making an impossible conversation as old batch mates.

I was just definitely overthinking.

Still, I still held this lingering feeling I've kept for years. Words I couldn't say. Things I couldn't do. To look him in the eyes again and once be true.

Exactly, how do I feel about him?

It's honestly between the borderline of hate and like. I purely hated him for treating me badly when we're just kids, and for always looking at me with those deep raging eyes.

However, I couldn't deny how I liked him for being honest and for creating with me those fun and sweet memories. I definitely treasured it as long as I grow up, and move on in adult life.

Still, If I got a single wish to make. I'd want to talk to him once again and confront my hidden feelings.
Of course, that will be truly impossible unless I'll fully change right?
Haha my confidence still keep failing me though..

If only I didn't move from that spot, did something might've change?
If I had speak much earlier, are we able to be good friends ?
Oh this kind of anxiety just never ends!


—jyannu. Daily Chagrin: Chapter 1

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