I listened, you talked.

You talked of things that you can't ever change and I stood there, next to you, just listening. You told me about your next possible steps in life after falling into a miserable pit of chaos, and I stood there, watching your every move. The mistakes you make, the regrets you have, the countless wishes I have to be able to hug you from afar because I don't like seeing you sad, I still stand here yearning to be close to you.

I am but just a friend.

I am a memory you say, is the best one you have ever had so far in your life. The best memory you have ever had, but you have no idea how hard it is for me to be one, I am absolutely terrified to be one. I can easily be erased, and I can be easily forgotten. To be a memory that you can just remove from your mind when you don't need it, is my greatest fear but I will stand here just taking it all in.

I am but a temporary love.

I have loved you, you have shown me what love is but you have also been doubtful of it and I have doubted your love too. I don't blame you for leaving though, even if you didn't, I have only ever thought of myself. But soon as we parted ways, you had me say, 'if loving you is a crime, is it why I feel guilty all the time?' But I only felt the guilt slipping through my veins, when I realized I am truly selfish for hurting you. Tried to hide the pain by thinking of the love I got from you but instead started displaying the fake happiness I received from being in its unrequited state.

I am but a hopeless heart.

You fell for someone else, as I let you go and slowly regret losing you while recalling the time we spent together. Am I still the best memory you've ever had? you affirm that I am, we are still friends. I smiled but gritted my teeth, I feel like I exist for no other reason than to love you, protect you and heal you, but I am in no ways, supposed to be existing to shape you, to be better for someone else.

I am but still, your best friend.

And when he broke you, because he did something wrong and you left him, you came to me. I wanted to help you out, I sure did, but I held back my feelings, I knew you still loved him. I thought I could love you again better than he ever can, but I held back those thoughts, I looked at myself in the mirror, I am not a better man yet, how can I love someone as perfect as you with my imperfections.
I told you to give him a chance and you did, and you seemed happier than ever, I thought I did the right thing letting you go again until he broke you, for the last time.

He was but a false hope you had.

I offered help again, then you admitted you wanted me more than him but because I walked away, you lost all hopes of loving me. You asked for a chance, I gave you some time to think about it, you said you could only ever think of me and I, felt happy, deep down inside I knew I was.

But now, you have stopped looking at my side of the story, you stopped reading me and you began reading his over and over again and I stand here, listening. It was already over, but you keep turning back the pages and you stopped writing ours. Has the ink ran out, or are you writing with your tears? They are flowing with regrets. You know I am still here, I will listen.

I am but always by your side. I promise you'll never lose a friend in me.

© J. Phillipi