I had not seen him in a while and a part of me felt lost. He had done me so many wrongs that I had started to love pain. That i did not know how live without drama without his disrespect his late night knocks and arguments, once in a while beatings, his bad breath from all day drinking . I had forgotten how to love myself felt like. You might think that I didn't love nor respected myself or am not a modern woman who knows that's its not okay to be disrespected but have been in this relationship for long that I did not know how to live without it. My life has been all about him I know at what time he sleeps what foods he likes what he can and cannot do his extreems, i know him more than he even knows himself. But on this day I remembered a promise I made to myself when I was younger that I will never allow my child see me in tears. So now I don't know what to do next but am sure of one nothing am not going back.