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MY DEATH
I know it's not the end of the world,
I know am not the first person to face this but the pain I feel ryt now makes me wish I could feel nothing.
I wonder, what do you have to do or what do you have to change within to survive and move on when a bad thing just happened ...
My name is Andy More and this is the story of my short life, coz in the end I was not strong enough to take it and I had nobody to hold be back and neither did I have a reason to remain alive .
It was summer, I was glad school was over for I had lots of plans with friends. The first week was great, had lots of fun .. I mean lots . My family was the supportive family ever , they dint mind although I partied like crazy.
my father would ask if I had fun .
my mom would come and check if am fine. my sister would bring me food or snacks ... They were the best people in my life . Actually the only people who really cared about me .
It was a Saturday , we planned a vacation to San Francisco, my sis was looking forward to it, it was important for her applications . She got up early and was ready before us. She was so excited and so was I but not like her .
We left at 7... we moved slowly , it was like a road trip.
"dad, can I drive?" I politely asked
"umm..no Andy am the driver today"
"but dad, I just want to drive my family for once"
"no Andy... you will drive us when we are going back home okay?"
"fine" I said in a low tone
He looked at me and gave a wide smile . I had to smile back, his smile just made me smile back.
I softly giggled and the whole family laughed and giggled along with me. That moment was the last time I felt happy in my whole life .
My father turned back again and looked at me with a smile and as he looked at me, a big truck was in front of us, it seemed like it lost its way with no brakes coz it couldn't stop... it was moving fast head on towards us .
"look out"my mom shouted
As my dad turned his head upfront he panicked, not knowing what to do he drove the car to the side and down we went off the bridge, roll and roll, once twice thrice.. the car rolled. and upside down it stopped . the car was wrecked and looking around it was bloody
"candy." I bitterly called although weak and in despair, with pain I called again "candy,candy" . she did not respond . I begun crying , "mom,dad" I called .. they did not respond either .
I struggled to opean the door and get myself out of the wreck . I checked my sisters pulse and she was gone . and so was my mom and dad. I sobbed bitterly, I felt like the universe was against me . My dad dint turn back even for a minute ... it was just seconds ... like only 2 seconds to give me a smile, and the outcome was his death and my mom's and my sis's . A rescue team came to rescue, I people who witnessed the accident called. I was out of the car bloody and broke... I cried till I could not . A helicopter dropped paramedics they took me inside , I was like a zombie ... I had lost it. "are you okay"a woman asked
"what is your name"she asked again
I just looked at her with nothing to say . "can you stand up"she asked
I looked at her with my red swollen eyes, I tried to stand up but I suddenly felt dizy and everything went blank and I was down.
.......1 MONTH LATER......
I sat alone in the corner of my room
it was lonely, very lonely. I was enclosed in there like a prisoner, nobody cared to come see me except my best friend, she was the only one I had left in the world and the only one who helped me go on... or I could be long gone . After I regained consciousness in the hospital , I had several suicide attempts so they took me to a mad house , they said I went nuts , they said my trauma destroyed my psychology. in the hospital and also in the mad house my best friend always came , she said "if you kill yourself am also gonna die" so whenever I thought of suicide , I thought of her and I decided to live .
As I sat lonesome at the corner I had a knock. I immediately smiled as she entered "Sindy" I called with excitement. "heeeeyyy" she said with a smile . "looking good "I commented
"thanks" she replied
whenever she came she always snuck me some stuff coz we had limits in what we eat and most things I liked were not allowed in the mad house .
"I brought you your favorite"
"thanks"
"anytime baby girl".
"So getting out anytime soon?, I miss you, u know hanging with you in other places not in a mad house"
"Yahh, I guess in about a month"
"another month, that's too long"
"I know , it is "
"hung in there alright. I will always be with you" she said as she softly held my hand . she looked at me , I looked at her . it was a long stare , till she broke it off...
"I've got to go , see you tomorrow"
"sure" I said as I wondered 'what was that?!' .
She kept on coming and I realized more and more how important she was in my life . How much she was leaving out to come just to see me everyday, she was like an angel for no human can sacrifice that much. It was one day to my release , she came to see me . she brought me snacks as usual. we talked , she told me what was happening at school and what I was missing out . it was a good talk. it is always good talking to her.
"hey you got ten minutes remaining"
the nurse alerted
"sure"she replied .
"hey so I guess am gonna go"
"ouu... yaah.. , tomorrow?"I asked
"yaah... sure, ofcourse"
"I wish u don't go"
"me too"she said . she came closer and hugged me . "I will always be there for you" she said as she hugged me tighter . "you know I love you ryt "
"yaah.. love you too" I replied. she looked at me in the eye and smiled , she kissed my forehead, "see you "she said as she left.
I realy dint want her to go . I become sad suddenly but I was to be released the next day so I was happy that we were gonna hung out a lot in various places again. I was excited , I couldn't wait for tomorrow.
I woke up early, I was told my aunt was picking me up, she also came few times to see me , she cared but not much, she was busy with work and well she had her own family too, I dint blame her .. I was actually thankful that she even gave a damn.
She came early to pick me up , I remember how much I insisted when she called. I never told Sindy that am gonna be released , I wanted to surprise her.
I went home , my aunt's home ,. I took a nice long shower, I needed it .
It was about break at school, I took a bike and rode to school. my aunt said I was not ready to drive. I dint want conflicts between us so I agreed with her terms. I rushed to school before break time passed by, I wanted to surprise her before next lessons begin
many people wondered, seeing me at school just like that, but I dint care , dint stop to talk to anyone, I directly looked for Sindy. she was neither at the canteen nor in the class. I wondered where she was coz she never skips class or school.
I called her several times but she dint pick up. I then recalled she liked the garden. I went to the garden, she was not there either.
"where is she?!" I wondered
"let me call again"I thought.
I called her, this time she picked up.
"Sindy, I have been calling , what's up , did you skip school?!. are you sick?, I am released already , I wanted to surprise you."
"am sorry am not Sindy, it's her sister"
"ouuu... Julia. it's me Andy, where is Sindy, I ..."
"Andy" she interrupted
"where are you " she asked
"am at the school, I was here to suprise Sindy, is she okay, she skipped school"
" ofcourse she is fine... just a little headache , she would be happy if you came to see her"
"ofcourse am coming".
Her home was not that far from school, I rode as fast as I can ,
I was happy with excitement.
As I arrived I saw Julia outside ,
"hey Julia, is Sindy inside"I asked.
"No Andy, Sindy ain't here, but she left this, it's for you"
"what?!, where is she "
"Am sorry Andy"
"what??!, NO..NO.."
tears slowly begun to flow out my eyes
"She died, last night"Julia concluded
"why"I asked. " no reason, it was a peaceful death I guess, she just dint wake up"
I turned away, I dint have the strength even to ride my bike. I went home walking while crying all the way.
people looked at me as if I was confused and yaah... I was confused. I reached home , and read the letter, it was like she knew she was going to die. she told me to be strong, she told me she is there with me , she told me to call her name whenever I feel alone. she told me she loves me , she loves me more than anything in the world.
I held onto the letter, as I sobbed , I dint think there was a reason for me to live anymore , the last person who made me go on , just died.
I went in the bathroom filled the bathtub with water , I looked for a razor and there it was, I went in the water and sliced my wrist , blood flowed out , and slowly I was drained .
slowly I felt light and lighter as my soul parted with my body , in few minutes , I was gone.
I died young just a teen, i wondered as I died, will anyone cry, will anyone even care that I died, will anybody miss me . " I don't think so " I told myself . Having nobody to think of me or miss me in the world after my death made me die with no regrets, for I knew nobody would get hurt as how I was hurt when all the people I love died.
And that was the end, the end of Andy More, the end of me.
.... or not ....
_to be continued_
© _rollen_
I know am not the first person to face this but the pain I feel ryt now makes me wish I could feel nothing.
I wonder, what do you have to do or what do you have to change within to survive and move on when a bad thing just happened ...
My name is Andy More and this is the story of my short life, coz in the end I was not strong enough to take it and I had nobody to hold be back and neither did I have a reason to remain alive .
It was summer, I was glad school was over for I had lots of plans with friends. The first week was great, had lots of fun .. I mean lots . My family was the supportive family ever , they dint mind although I partied like crazy.
my father would ask if I had fun .
my mom would come and check if am fine. my sister would bring me food or snacks ... They were the best people in my life . Actually the only people who really cared about me .
It was a Saturday , we planned a vacation to San Francisco, my sis was looking forward to it, it was important for her applications . She got up early and was ready before us. She was so excited and so was I but not like her .
We left at 7... we moved slowly , it was like a road trip.
"dad, can I drive?" I politely asked
"umm..no Andy am the driver today"
"but dad, I just want to drive my family for once"
"no Andy... you will drive us when we are going back home okay?"
"fine" I said in a low tone
He looked at me and gave a wide smile . I had to smile back, his smile just made me smile back.
I softly giggled and the whole family laughed and giggled along with me. That moment was the last time I felt happy in my whole life .
My father turned back again and looked at me with a smile and as he looked at me, a big truck was in front of us, it seemed like it lost its way with no brakes coz it couldn't stop... it was moving fast head on towards us .
"look out"my mom shouted
As my dad turned his head upfront he panicked, not knowing what to do he drove the car to the side and down we went off the bridge, roll and roll, once twice thrice.. the car rolled. and upside down it stopped . the car was wrecked and looking around it was bloody
"candy." I bitterly called although weak and in despair, with pain I called again "candy,candy" . she did not respond . I begun crying , "mom,dad" I called .. they did not respond either .
I struggled to opean the door and get myself out of the wreck . I checked my sisters pulse and she was gone . and so was my mom and dad. I sobbed bitterly, I felt like the universe was against me . My dad dint turn back even for a minute ... it was just seconds ... like only 2 seconds to give me a smile, and the outcome was his death and my mom's and my sis's . A rescue team came to rescue, I people who witnessed the accident called. I was out of the car bloody and broke... I cried till I could not . A helicopter dropped paramedics they took me inside , I was like a zombie ... I had lost it. "are you okay"a woman asked
"what is your name"she asked again
I just looked at her with nothing to say . "can you stand up"she asked
I looked at her with my red swollen eyes, I tried to stand up but I suddenly felt dizy and everything went blank and I was down.
.......1 MONTH LATER......
I sat alone in the corner of my room
it was lonely, very lonely. I was enclosed in there like a prisoner, nobody cared to come see me except my best friend, she was the only one I had left in the world and the only one who helped me go on... or I could be long gone . After I regained consciousness in the hospital , I had several suicide attempts so they took me to a mad house , they said I went nuts , they said my trauma destroyed my psychology. in the hospital and also in the mad house my best friend always came , she said "if you kill yourself am also gonna die" so whenever I thought of suicide , I thought of her and I decided to live .
As I sat lonesome at the corner I had a knock. I immediately smiled as she entered "Sindy" I called with excitement. "heeeeyyy" she said with a smile . "looking good "I commented
"thanks" she replied
whenever she came she always snuck me some stuff coz we had limits in what we eat and most things I liked were not allowed in the mad house .
"I brought you your favorite"
"thanks"
"anytime baby girl".
"So getting out anytime soon?, I miss you, u know hanging with you in other places not in a mad house"
"Yahh, I guess in about a month"
"another month, that's too long"
"I know , it is "
"hung in there alright. I will always be with you" she said as she softly held my hand . she looked at me , I looked at her . it was a long stare , till she broke it off...
"I've got to go , see you tomorrow"
"sure" I said as I wondered 'what was that?!' .
She kept on coming and I realized more and more how important she was in my life . How much she was leaving out to come just to see me everyday, she was like an angel for no human can sacrifice that much. It was one day to my release , she came to see me . she brought me snacks as usual. we talked , she told me what was happening at school and what I was missing out . it was a good talk. it is always good talking to her.
"hey you got ten minutes remaining"
the nurse alerted
"sure"she replied .
"hey so I guess am gonna go"
"ouu... yaah.. , tomorrow?"I asked
"yaah... sure, ofcourse"
"I wish u don't go"
"me too"she said . she came closer and hugged me . "I will always be there for you" she said as she hugged me tighter . "you know I love you ryt "
"yaah.. love you too" I replied. she looked at me in the eye and smiled , she kissed my forehead, "see you "she said as she left.
I realy dint want her to go . I become sad suddenly but I was to be released the next day so I was happy that we were gonna hung out a lot in various places again. I was excited , I couldn't wait for tomorrow.
I woke up early, I was told my aunt was picking me up, she also came few times to see me , she cared but not much, she was busy with work and well she had her own family too, I dint blame her .. I was actually thankful that she even gave a damn.
She came early to pick me up , I remember how much I insisted when she called. I never told Sindy that am gonna be released , I wanted to surprise her.
I went home , my aunt's home ,. I took a nice long shower, I needed it .
It was about break at school, I took a bike and rode to school. my aunt said I was not ready to drive. I dint want conflicts between us so I agreed with her terms. I rushed to school before break time passed by, I wanted to surprise her before next lessons begin
many people wondered, seeing me at school just like that, but I dint care , dint stop to talk to anyone, I directly looked for Sindy. she was neither at the canteen nor in the class. I wondered where she was coz she never skips class or school.
I called her several times but she dint pick up. I then recalled she liked the garden. I went to the garden, she was not there either.
"where is she?!" I wondered
"let me call again"I thought.
I called her, this time she picked up.
"Sindy, I have been calling , what's up , did you skip school?!. are you sick?, I am released already , I wanted to surprise you."
"am sorry am not Sindy, it's her sister"
"ouuu... Julia. it's me Andy, where is Sindy, I ..."
"Andy" she interrupted
"where are you " she asked
"am at the school, I was here to suprise Sindy, is she okay, she skipped school"
" ofcourse she is fine... just a little headache , she would be happy if you came to see her"
"ofcourse am coming".
Her home was not that far from school, I rode as fast as I can ,
I was happy with excitement.
As I arrived I saw Julia outside ,
"hey Julia, is Sindy inside"I asked.
"No Andy, Sindy ain't here, but she left this, it's for you"
"what?!, where is she "
"Am sorry Andy"
"what??!, NO..NO.."
tears slowly begun to flow out my eyes
"She died, last night"Julia concluded
"why"I asked. " no reason, it was a peaceful death I guess, she just dint wake up"
I turned away, I dint have the strength even to ride my bike. I went home walking while crying all the way.
people looked at me as if I was confused and yaah... I was confused. I reached home , and read the letter, it was like she knew she was going to die. she told me to be strong, she told me she is there with me , she told me to call her name whenever I feel alone. she told me she loves me , she loves me more than anything in the world.
I held onto the letter, as I sobbed , I dint think there was a reason for me to live anymore , the last person who made me go on , just died.
I went in the bathroom filled the bathtub with water , I looked for a razor and there it was, I went in the water and sliced my wrist , blood flowed out , and slowly I was drained .
slowly I felt light and lighter as my soul parted with my body , in few minutes , I was gone.
I died young just a teen, i wondered as I died, will anyone cry, will anyone even care that I died, will anybody miss me . " I don't think so " I told myself . Having nobody to think of me or miss me in the world after my death made me die with no regrets, for I knew nobody would get hurt as how I was hurt when all the people I love died.
And that was the end, the end of Andy More, the end of me.
.... or not ....
_to be continued_
© _rollen_
