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I don't know
Well, in my previous post, I already told you about myself here,but there are more things that I just want to take out of mind, which is not that easy.
I am 20 years old currently. How do I expect a 20-year-old boy, like, in a general way, how do I assume a 20-year-old boy👇
He may have graduated, is pursuing a degree, is doing a job, or is preparing for some competitive exams or his goals. He may have a lot of friends, or at least some friends whom he may trust. He may start earning already, or he might work hard for it soon. He respects his parents and elders and understands the importance of them; he has maturity enough to know what is wrong and what is right; he may feel disappointed sometimes but will start again; he knows how to drive a vehicle or he may already have a licence; he understands the importance of time and uses it well; he may not be good at communication but has a sense of how to talk to people humbly; he is hygienic; he does exercise or workout daily and eats healthy food.Well, there can be many points to include in that. That's how I show a 20-year-old boy, but do I follow any of the habits? I honestly say I don't.
I am the type of person who moves only when someone says to do that. I have goals, missions,missions and visions for my life, but I do nothing for them. I don't know anything. Maybe at some point in my life I try to change myself, but I always go back to the moment where I just hate everything about me.
Who will like a person who always sticks with his phone and just keeps scrolling or playing games,who does not accept their parents advice and does not help their parents in their work,who doesn't help her sister in school or does not play with or talk with her when she requests it, who breaks trust in his family by doing wrong things, watching wrong content, or chatting without someone else?Everyone I meet sees hope in me that I will succeed in my life; they always see me as a nice person; even if I make a mistake and they know about it, they still like and love me; they have done everything for me and may be ready to do more; I am satisfied with my life and grateful to the people I meet.
But what am I doing for them?
Nothing I am just a liability to them and this world. Nothing can be more bad than breaking trust in someone, and I am doing it. I don't have the courage to live and face the challenges of life. I don't want to interact with people. I don't want anything. I still want to do many things, but I never make my words true. I may think for the people or the future, but I did nothing for them. I did nothing for myself. I am just lucky that I have a nice family. I don't think I can survive on my own.Well, bad or good things may exist in everyone,but it is more wrong when you do bad things when you know the result well. I just overthink everything, and everything seems too hard to me. I don't know what I want to do with my life, but I may waste my parents hard work and efforts. I a just afraid of my future. Sometimes it looks so bright, sometimes it looks completely blank.
Maybe God is unfair; bad people like me get a good family and environment,and people who deserve it get lots of obstacles in their way; maybe they don't have support like me; they still fight on their own; they still believe in God and themselves; sometimes I pray and give to God my good luck; they deserve a better life than me.My exam will start next week. I have to do the revision, but whenever I stay at home, especially in my room, I become like this. I know me well. I know that I can't make other people happy until I myself am happy. I know I am doing wrong, but I don't know what I was ever able to do. Why was I born?
Sometimes I just want to disappear completely; nothing is changing and is going the same since the past 3–4 years. Maybe I am blind and can't see the beauty of the earth or life; maybe I am deaf and can't hear the cheering of people who support me; maybe I am heartless and can't give back the love I received.
My heart hurts sometimes. I want every living soul to live happily in this world, but I'm making other people sad. Well, I don't know really what to do. I don't want to hear anything. I don't want to
Idk
Whatever at the end I have to study for the exam and I will do it,become normal again after sometime will hopeless again 😞
. I am literally not pure at all. Even when my family raises me well with good ethics and values,and IRL I do follow them, there are still dirty things in my mind. I don't want to be biassed when it comes to humanity.
Umm kind of disappointing when your parents have to hurt because of you. It hurts me. I try to convince them, please don't expect anything from me. I can't believe myself. How can I care for you? I don't want to care for them, or I do not love them, my people, or this world.
I should be living there, I guess. I really don't deserve this world.
Why not have God call me?
Yet again I have to delete some words as I reached the limit
© All Rights Reserved
I am 20 years old currently. How do I expect a 20-year-old boy, like, in a general way, how do I assume a 20-year-old boy👇
He may have graduated, is pursuing a degree, is doing a job, or is preparing for some competitive exams or his goals. He may have a lot of friends, or at least some friends whom he may trust. He may start earning already, or he might work hard for it soon. He respects his parents and elders and understands the importance of them; he has maturity enough to know what is wrong and what is right; he may feel disappointed sometimes but will start again; he knows how to drive a vehicle or he may already have a licence; he understands the importance of time and uses it well; he may not be good at communication but has a sense of how to talk to people humbly; he is hygienic; he does exercise or workout daily and eats healthy food.Well, there can be many points to include in that. That's how I show a 20-year-old boy, but do I follow any of the habits? I honestly say I don't.
I am the type of person who moves only when someone says to do that. I have goals, missions,missions and visions for my life, but I do nothing for them. I don't know anything. Maybe at some point in my life I try to change myself, but I always go back to the moment where I just hate everything about me.
Who will like a person who always sticks with his phone and just keeps scrolling or playing games,who does not accept their parents advice and does not help their parents in their work,who doesn't help her sister in school or does not play with or talk with her when she requests it, who breaks trust in his family by doing wrong things, watching wrong content, or chatting without someone else?Everyone I meet sees hope in me that I will succeed in my life; they always see me as a nice person; even if I make a mistake and they know about it, they still like and love me; they have done everything for me and may be ready to do more; I am satisfied with my life and grateful to the people I meet.
But what am I doing for them?
Nothing I am just a liability to them and this world. Nothing can be more bad than breaking trust in someone, and I am doing it. I don't have the courage to live and face the challenges of life. I don't want to interact with people. I don't want anything. I still want to do many things, but I never make my words true. I may think for the people or the future, but I did nothing for them. I did nothing for myself. I am just lucky that I have a nice family. I don't think I can survive on my own.Well, bad or good things may exist in everyone,but it is more wrong when you do bad things when you know the result well. I just overthink everything, and everything seems too hard to me. I don't know what I want to do with my life, but I may waste my parents hard work and efforts. I a just afraid of my future. Sometimes it looks so bright, sometimes it looks completely blank.
Maybe God is unfair; bad people like me get a good family and environment,and people who deserve it get lots of obstacles in their way; maybe they don't have support like me; they still fight on their own; they still believe in God and themselves; sometimes I pray and give to God my good luck; they deserve a better life than me.My exam will start next week. I have to do the revision, but whenever I stay at home, especially in my room, I become like this. I know me well. I know that I can't make other people happy until I myself am happy. I know I am doing wrong, but I don't know what I was ever able to do. Why was I born?
Sometimes I just want to disappear completely; nothing is changing and is going the same since the past 3–4 years. Maybe I am blind and can't see the beauty of the earth or life; maybe I am deaf and can't hear the cheering of people who support me; maybe I am heartless and can't give back the love I received.
My heart hurts sometimes. I want every living soul to live happily in this world, but I'm making other people sad. Well, I don't know really what to do. I don't want to hear anything. I don't want to
Idk
Whatever at the end I have to study for the exam and I will do it,become normal again after sometime will hopeless again 😞
. I am literally not pure at all. Even when my family raises me well with good ethics and values,and IRL I do follow them, there are still dirty things in my mind. I don't want to be biassed when it comes to humanity.
Umm kind of disappointing when your parents have to hurt because of you. It hurts me. I try to convince them, please don't expect anything from me. I can't believe myself. How can I care for you? I don't want to care for them, or I do not love them, my people, or this world.
I should be living there, I guess. I really don't deserve this world.
Why not have God call me?
Yet again I have to delete some words as I reached the limit
© All Rights Reserved
