I had my first child while being locked inside a mental institution. Only being visited by the father of my first child sister.
I granted her custody of her niece.
I wanted nothing to do with my daughter at all!
I bet you're wondering why i was in a mental institution to start with. Here's a little back story as to why I ended up in a mental hospital.
I was in the perfect relationship with Jeanines brother (guardian of my daughter) Julian. We'd planned our lives together and everything above.
We both wanted kids together and have the perfect family. I had been to the local clinic in my town to take a pregnancy test because I hadn't been feeling well. I found out I was pregnant with daughter ( Jessica).
I was so excited to tell julian the good news because this is what we wanted, which is why i was so surprised that he'd rejected me instantly. He wasn't happy about the great news.
He told me he was ready for a child, that he was too young to care for another human. My eyes watered with heartbreak, my throat got tight and my chest felt like it was going to explode.
I was beyond livid!
Begin rejected by the love of my life was unexpected and unacceptable!
I wanted him to feel my pain.
I gave him one chance to change his mind about our child, but he didn't.
I told him i would terminate our family, and just throw away what we always wanted.
So i did. I was able to get my hands on some liquid cyanide from the local paper factory.
Julian was so big on having beautiful teeth and fresh breath.
I was able to slip some cyanide in his mouth was. He usually rinses his mouth out about four times a day.
By the time he was on his second rinse of the day, he'd already started to experience symptoms of:
°weakness
°headaches
°nausea
°confusion
°heavy breathing
By the time he was on his was way home, he'd already lost all consciousness and was dead by the time i called the cops.
I'd deposed of all evidence of cyanide by the time the cops arrived.
I suddenly started to regret what I've done. My heart was broken into a million pieces.
I had already decided to never let another person i love, love and leave me again.
Knowing what I did made me feel sick and it literally drove me crazy. I couldn't sleep, eat, talk or take care of myself in any kind of way.
By the time I was 7 months pregnant, I'd started to experience signs of paranoia schizophrenic.
Im almost positive that my biological parents may have mental illness, well a least one of them.
I was given away as a child to a couple in my town. Being raised by the neighborhood, constantly being passed around from home to home, not knowing anything about my biological parents, I was left to figure out things for myself.
But enough about my childhood.
I was emitted into a Psychiatric hospitals while i was pregnant and shortly after i gave birth to my daughter (Jessica).
I'd already made the decision to give up my daughter by the time she was born.
I knew i was giving her the family she needed.
Six years had passed by and I was getting released from the (MH).
I was a new person, I have a fresh start to life and I wanted to make the best of it.
I'd enrolled into a culinary program two years after earning my GED.
After graduating culinary school i quickly started my own catering business. My business was doing great and i just felt like a new person.
My catering business was booked month's in advance.
I'd got an opportunity to cater a huge event for the mayor's office.
Thats exactly what i needed for my business. A opportunity like this would put my catering business on the map.
With all the catering gigs I had done i felt like it was preparing me for this.
The time had finally came to cater the mayor's event, and everything was going so great.
I passed out business cards and gotten great feedback about my work.
With all the excitement going on I'd forgotten to use the restroom and couldn't hold it anymore. I quickly ran into the bathroom not realizing i was in the men's restroom, but I didn't care. I ran straight into a stall and used the bathroom. While inside, a man came into the restroom.
I tried to sneak out, but he seen me and stopped me. He ask what I was doing in here, he said this was the men's restroom. I told him i didn't realize i was in the men's bathroom. I was on my way out and he stopped me. He asked me was i the one responsible for the for the food tonight. I simply replied yes. He said he loved the food, and wanted to try my dessert, especially my cookies, but there wasn't anymore left. For the first time since losing my Julian, i had a feeling i haven't had in years.
We locked eyes instantly and creeped closely twords each other.
There was heavy breathing, hearts was pounding while in sync with each other and parts of my body that had been sleep for years where finally waking up.
He locked the restroom door while locking eyes with me, and i clenched the counter top while clenching my legs together.
We grabbed each other and stared at one another.
It was the best feeling in the world and the start of a perfect relationship.
To be continued...




© Erica L. Cox