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SHATTERED RUE
PART ONE
My eyes rolled at the reality that befell me. The joys I felt which seemed like a forever phenomenon was cut short by the scream which could cause the earth to quake. For crying out loud I was enjoying the pleasurable moment which I never wanted to end just like that. Every seconds was ages past, eternity renewed and at that point I wasn't revolting at what earth would think I was. I never cared about what anyone felt of me for I wanted this unknown pleasure to last forever. Of course I had fought back my inclinations and since I couldn't fight what my being offered, I savoured every moment which it offered with silence. I wasn't silent at the fact that I couldn't triumph over the challenge where I found myself, I was silent because I enjoyed every bit of it and wanted more out of it. In as much as the world where I found myself rejected the things which I acted on, I felt it was what people did without budging so for goodness sake, why should I be sober over what I know wasn't an ill to me.
Stanley's silence was more of regret than to stand up and face reality, the reality of which he found himself. Stanley had been a family friend from childhood. We watched ourselves grow into adulthood and he was nothing less of a handsome breed. His attributes grew with him and every seconds of a lifetime added something special to his personality. He had known every one in my family and had come to understand that we had a future as a family. He was the best friend of Jake, my older brother who was six years older than I was. Jake had often times praised the fact that Stanley was a unique breed and couldn't be compared to any being in my locale. Jake's hyping of Stanley only made me grow fond of him and he was a perfect example of a classic man. We shared happiness together and we saw him as part of our family and our small world in general. Cassandra who was my immediate older sister cared less about his personality since he was just the everyday guy who always came to the house and spent most times with us. At times when Jake wasn't home, Stanley would spend his evenings with me in the room as we discussed about things which life had to offer. Every minute I spent with him only made me realize that he was the right person and I needed to cease the opportunity to learn everything which is needed to be known about his undaunted personality.
It was during this supposed evenings with Stanley I got to find out that he was perfect a person but needed something to complete his perfection. He was fifteen years of age and was experiencing puberty and wanted to explore what life had to offer. Jake who was two years older than he was took little or no time to explain the rudiments of an adolescent to him. Since Stanley's father was late, he looked on to Jake as a beacon to guide him through life's ordeal but where was Jake, he was the busy folk trying to pursue his career as a basket baller. We were together and had exhausted everything that were to be discussed ranging from fashion to movies and other things that interest us. He was sitting adjacent to me and his eyes stared keenly at me. Hoping that I could yeild to his actions. To me, I observed with much interest. There I was, sitting with the real deal according to what Jake had painted him to be. He stood up and advanced towards me and I closely watched him with the greatest feeling of security. I was more secured with him than to any other being in the world and I wanted earth to see him from my perspective. When he got to me, he buried his lips on my dry mouth. I watched in awe as I was pointless of what to say. His palms so cold and soft moved around my arms slowly. Then his fingers walked round my back like Michael Jackson moonwalk dance, so unique and perfect. My heart had only began to skip and had moved to beating in triple times per second but his countenance made me so sure that we were both doing the right thing. With his teeth, he loosened my button and passed his tongue into my buttonhole. I watched not in despair but with a feeling of a putto, for I had attracted my kind to myself. His hands solemnly went through my shorts and it slided downwards. His smiles and exclamation when he saw me on my brief made me realize that I had indeed won his heart. He exclaimed "sexy" and his tongue pressed to my body and licked every part of it like it was his. From my neck down to my butt hole and then a lifetime rimming took place at that spot. He was good at this game, he gave me an anilingus that was different. My butt breathed to his tongue which went deep into my untold spot of eternal glories. Oh yes, I saw the very secret of Stanley's perfection at that instance. His fingers sunk into me and the pains was somewhat sweet than sour. His middle finger had gone deep and my moarn was gentle, he bidded me hush with his mouth pressed against mine. From his middle finger to both his middle finger and his ring finger and then his dived in with his ever questing rod which was ready to divide the red sea, my rivers of Babylon.
Stanley was not just a man that day but had proven himself to be a demigod. One ranked above the values of men, infact his was a classic god. He didn't had to tell me to keep what we had to myself, I had to just keep the pleasure locked in my memories. And at every instance he noticed that the house was free, he came around. The pleasures grew more and the fun was second to none. It was like he learnt something new each day our bodies met and for every moment we spent together, there was something new to be added to the infinity we both shared. Twas like he was testing how to be a better fucker with me or perhaps he wanted to build himself more stronger to get the goodies of the outside world but who cares, all I wanted was for him to give me a share of something which he learnt and for heaven's sake, I was getting every bit of it at a platter of gold.
We had come to share love countless times and our cravings renewed each day. At times we could do stuffs on the bare ground in the evenings when the dusk of the day has sprouted it's ever watching eyes on mankind. He was full of power and my vigour was never unrelenting. Of course what other pleasure can I ask from the creator better than what I got from the all cocoa bean delicacy that ejaculated from his feral cock. He had performed the rights of digging, rimming, sucking and fucking at the remotest and greatest of places ranging from the bush paths, to the church compound at night, to the empty vehicle parked down the street at twilight, to the room in secret. Twas a mix of heavenly delight to a touch of ageless perfection. Apart from the fact that I enjoyed every thing we had together, he kept on promising how great our future would be. That he had plans for a better and brighter future for both of us. Indeed he wasn't just building a castle made of diamonds in the sky, I saw his vision and I knew how true he was to his words. I opened my whole being, soul and body under the pressure of love to ride alongside with the love which was perfect, whole and sensual. We were the best of the very best that ever existed between two beings. There I was, trying to picture a future that would be void of troubles and unending pains. Of course Stanley would be there for me through thick and thin and I was ever sure of spending eternity beneath his warm arms.
We continued for what seemed like five years. Five years that was full of positivity, vibes and growth. I watched Stanley grow into a real gentle man, of course he was a gentle man who kept every word of his, true and whole. He was all promising and that alone was an assurance that we would have a happy ending together. But then two solid weeks passed by without both of us seeing. For the first three days, I didn't feel his absence but then on the fourth day, I became worried at the current situation. I asked his younger brother who was my friend about his wellbeing and I got a positive response. My problem was why did he not come to the house to visit like he normally does. For two solid weeks I was speechless and my heart raced at the thoughts of him. He was very much well according to what I was told so why wasn't he coming forth. The feelings of unrest ravelled me and in as much as I became unsecured, my desire for him increased even more than before. In my curiosity, I visited his house after I returned from school and thank goodness, he was home. Home alone, all for me. My smiles increased when I noticed he was home and without wasting time, I advanced closely towards him. I began to touch him gentle skin and mollycoddled him like he was mine, which he truly was. My lips pressed to his neck and I wanted to tell him how bad I've missed him, how I wanted his very being to delve into my all craving ass. His hands pushed away mine and he gave me a look like that of a stranger. Then he bade me to sit on the couch, a couch that had witnessed several sex from both of us. When I sat and looked into his eyes, there he was looking for the right words to soothe my desires. He began by stating the obvious, how beautiful I was and how lovely I had grown to be. Then he began to speak of the perfect love of God towards me and how the heavens wanted a pure soul in me. He ended up with the bla bla bla words. That was the first time I heard those words all my life, from the very first person I had given my all. He told me he was a changed being and had repented of his ills. There he was, making it seemed like we were both sinners and he had found Christ, the perfect man for his salvation. I watched closely without uttering a word. No, I had nothing to say because I was short of words. So I watched silently, with teary eyes and a bittered soul, I watched what I loved the most been taken away in just a snap. After his sermon, I stood up and walked away. Away from his house and away from his life. He had ditched me for God, that same God that had brought us together under this psalms of love. Will I say God was ever jealous from the very start of our love spree or was he using God as a shield to run away from the reality which he placed me. I walked out shamefully knowing that i was used by Stanley, the all knowing Stanley.
The weeks following that incident was hell refined. I danced with the devil and he took away my heart and all the feelings I had there in. I cursed life thousand times for letting it have it's miserable way in my life and in as much as I wanted to heal so bad, I drowned in unending sorrows. My comforter was my sister, my ever loving sister. Cassy like I fondly call her was ever beside me to give me relief. She felt that I had lost something dear to me and in as much as I didn't tell her anything, she respected my decision and flowed with my vibes. She was always trying to make me happy and to console me. Funny though, she never knew what even made me sad but as heavenly as she was, she wanted to make me happy. She gave me hope for a promising future and I promised myself that I was gonna repay the care she gave to me by making her happy when she was depressed. There I was, the depressed one and I was making future promises that I couldn't even guarantee. There also was my being which was healed, my heart already broken and love was buried in hades. I had sealed my heart with limestone and was never going to love again. And to Cassy I owed my very being for she had succeeded in transforming my shattered life for it's betterment. In less than a month, I got back to my normal life and had allowed the memories of Stanley slide away like it never occurred.
Now that I was healed I needed back my pleasure again. I started with Jason, Stanley's younger brother. I seduced him and he gave in to me. It wasn't outta revenge for what Stanley did but he was the closest my tentacles could catch. And then from Jason to the neighbor next door and wide and wide my fishing net went round the waters of the world catching men of all kinds both great and small. Ranging from a juvenile lad to the schooling chap and then to a married man down to a granny. I tested the positivity of all men and I read them through like the back of my very own palm. I lost Stanley who had opened my world but I got, ten thousands of Stanleys again. I fucked round and round without the feeling of love, for crying out loud my heart was melted long ago and I lost the feeling to love. It was pleasure, pleasure and more pleasure. I had built for myself a league of fuck buddies and I had a list of guys which I had fucked on a yearly basis. I explored the world of men and had made myself the god of my lane.
Few years passed by and Stanley started to visit our home again. He was already a made man. He had a company of his own and he was doing well in the business world. He had come now as a friend and a brother. Life had grown weary of it's ills and we had accepted what it gave to us without revolting. He had come back into our lives gradually and no one cared about his personality because everyone was chasing his dreams. I personally told everyone in the house how successful he had been over the years. At first no one cared about his success because everyone at home were focusing on their career. Then after a while was a sudden interest by Cassy. She was ever curious to see Stanley and I felt it was this normal tendency that occured in every persons life. She had always cared less about Stanley owing to the fact that she was the busy one. So when she was curious about him, I offered her the chance of us going to his place. On the allotted date, we both went over and spent the most quality time at his place. I had been with Jason discussing about the goodies which we had come to enjoy as individuals in our various lane while Cassy was having a good time with Stanley. We went home with the feeling that we were able to connect with a family we held so dear as young adults. If only Jake was around with us, it would have been so much fun. But Jake was far away from us, with his wife and kids somewhere in Asia. Trying to build up his family and to better his career as a basketball coach. Life was beginning to have its meaning back in my world and I had the assurance of the fact that what was mine, would be truly mine.
Then Cassy started growing fond of Stanley. She would call him over the phone and would spend hours upon hours speaking with Stanley on her loud speakers. She would even write him series of love messages and would sing various love songs around the house using his name. I became challenged and worried about the recent development. I wasn't just gonna let it slide away just like in the past. Was he trying to play smart on Cassy the same way he used me in the past. I couldn't just walk up to Cassy and narrate to her my ordeal. My self esteem would be lost the very minute Cassy would discover who I had always been. She would despise every bit of me and disregard my integrity, one which I was still trying to build over time. So there I was, betwixt telling her the bitter truth or leaving her to experience the heartbreak which I felt years ago. Her fantasy drove her nuts and would take some wierd looking nude pictures and save them on her phone. Nude pictures that could feed three guys for a whole year, and she would send them to Stanley at every interval of the day. I returned home one night very tired and hungry and when I got to the kitchen, there wasn't a thing to eat. There was Cassy in a joyful spree, changing clothes and preparing to have dinner with Stanley. I watched her in maximum jealousy and wanted to take her place. She asked me about her looks and I affirmed how beautiful she was. In her smiles, she hurriedly left home. In my pains, I lost my appetite and watched the walls in the bedroom as it jeered at my stupidity. Silence had filled the air and I wasn't myself as the time passed on. My phone rang after an hour and there it was, Cassy was calling. She told me she wouldn't come home that night because she would pass the night with Stanley, that bastard who took away everything I ever was. The night was longer than expected, I pictured every scenerio that would take place at Stanley's home. He would have to fuck her without reserve and she would open up her self like a bread that would be sliced open and his dick would spread it's spermatozoa rounds her like the butter over the bread. My world banged on and I was lost in bitterness. I had been the middleman who orchestrated the meeting again between Cassy and Stanley. The night moved slowly and left me basking in unending sorrows. There I was, lone, broken and forgtten. The world had shut it's big eyes on me and at that instant I wanted to drink poison rather than sink in despair. Tears flowed forth from my eyes and I couldn't help it. My heart had begun to race when I suddenly fell under the pressure that had suddenly come over me. I woke up in the hospital the next day to accept my fate. Cassy had told me she saw me on the floor the next day when she came over with Stanley. They had both narrated how lifeless I was and they had rushed me to the hospital. I only watched in the silence of my shameless life.
In less than two years, Cassandra was already married to Stanley, my own man. I had lived with the feeling that I would never triumph from the ills that befell me. A marriage that I had to be the best man. I accepted the offer out of love for my sister and not for anything else. Stanley felt he was going to seal back our friendship with the position of being his best man. Such a distasteful thing I wouldn't want to do on a normal day. After the celebration had began, I went away from the scenerio to weep my life away. The world had joined me to wail at my lost pride, even heaven could share my ordeal with me. I couldn't wish my sister nothing less than the happiness that she ever craved for, but with anyone in this life. Not with my man, my Stanley. A man she knew less about and showed less concern. There I was, the demon who would clutch on their marriage and cause the biggest assunder. I had gone home during the middle of the celebration to think about my life. I began to ask myself thousand times over, how can a gay convert in less than two weeks back to a straight dude. Of course his first pleasurable sex was with me, not with a woman. How sure was I that he had been a repented dude like he claimed to be. He had only married my sister in order to fit in to what the society demanded rather than what he felt. He had locked his feelings to the demands of the world. I began to picture the reason behind many broken homes in the society, how many married men ran away from their matrimonial homes because they couldn't live the life which the society proposed for them. Perhaps the wedding was another lie, a perfect charade. I wept with a my being and cursed life for everything it shared with me. I wasn't thinking less but to end my life and depart from this world.
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My eyes rolled at the reality that befell me. The joys I felt which seemed like a forever phenomenon was cut short by the scream which could cause the earth to quake. For crying out loud I was enjoying the pleasurable moment which I never wanted to end just like that. Every seconds was ages past, eternity renewed and at that point I wasn't revolting at what earth would think I was. I never cared about what anyone felt of me for I wanted this unknown pleasure to last forever. Of course I had fought back my inclinations and since I couldn't fight what my being offered, I savoured every moment which it offered with silence. I wasn't silent at the fact that I couldn't triumph over the challenge where I found myself, I was silent because I enjoyed every bit of it and wanted more out of it. In as much as the world where I found myself rejected the things which I acted on, I felt it was what people did without budging so for goodness sake, why should I be sober over what I know wasn't an ill to me.
Stanley's silence was more of regret than to stand up and face reality, the reality of which he found himself. Stanley had been a family friend from childhood. We watched ourselves grow into adulthood and he was nothing less of a handsome breed. His attributes grew with him and every seconds of a lifetime added something special to his personality. He had known every one in my family and had come to understand that we had a future as a family. He was the best friend of Jake, my older brother who was six years older than I was. Jake had often times praised the fact that Stanley was a unique breed and couldn't be compared to any being in my locale. Jake's hyping of Stanley only made me grow fond of him and he was a perfect example of a classic man. We shared happiness together and we saw him as part of our family and our small world in general. Cassandra who was my immediate older sister cared less about his personality since he was just the everyday guy who always came to the house and spent most times with us. At times when Jake wasn't home, Stanley would spend his evenings with me in the room as we discussed about things which life had to offer. Every minute I spent with him only made me realize that he was the right person and I needed to cease the opportunity to learn everything which is needed to be known about his undaunted personality.
It was during this supposed evenings with Stanley I got to find out that he was perfect a person but needed something to complete his perfection. He was fifteen years of age and was experiencing puberty and wanted to explore what life had to offer. Jake who was two years older than he was took little or no time to explain the rudiments of an adolescent to him. Since Stanley's father was late, he looked on to Jake as a beacon to guide him through life's ordeal but where was Jake, he was the busy folk trying to pursue his career as a basket baller. We were together and had exhausted everything that were to be discussed ranging from fashion to movies and other things that interest us. He was sitting adjacent to me and his eyes stared keenly at me. Hoping that I could yeild to his actions. To me, I observed with much interest. There I was, sitting with the real deal according to what Jake had painted him to be. He stood up and advanced towards me and I closely watched him with the greatest feeling of security. I was more secured with him than to any other being in the world and I wanted earth to see him from my perspective. When he got to me, he buried his lips on my dry mouth. I watched in awe as I was pointless of what to say. His palms so cold and soft moved around my arms slowly. Then his fingers walked round my back like Michael Jackson moonwalk dance, so unique and perfect. My heart had only began to skip and had moved to beating in triple times per second but his countenance made me so sure that we were both doing the right thing. With his teeth, he loosened my button and passed his tongue into my buttonhole. I watched not in despair but with a feeling of a putto, for I had attracted my kind to myself. His hands solemnly went through my shorts and it slided downwards. His smiles and exclamation when he saw me on my brief made me realize that I had indeed won his heart. He exclaimed "sexy" and his tongue pressed to my body and licked every part of it like it was his. From my neck down to my butt hole and then a lifetime rimming took place at that spot. He was good at this game, he gave me an anilingus that was different. My butt breathed to his tongue which went deep into my untold spot of eternal glories. Oh yes, I saw the very secret of Stanley's perfection at that instance. His fingers sunk into me and the pains was somewhat sweet than sour. His middle finger had gone deep and my moarn was gentle, he bidded me hush with his mouth pressed against mine. From his middle finger to both his middle finger and his ring finger and then his dived in with his ever questing rod which was ready to divide the red sea, my rivers of Babylon.
Stanley was not just a man that day but had proven himself to be a demigod. One ranked above the values of men, infact his was a classic god. He didn't had to tell me to keep what we had to myself, I had to just keep the pleasure locked in my memories. And at every instance he noticed that the house was free, he came around. The pleasures grew more and the fun was second to none. It was like he learnt something new each day our bodies met and for every moment we spent together, there was something new to be added to the infinity we both shared. Twas like he was testing how to be a better fucker with me or perhaps he wanted to build himself more stronger to get the goodies of the outside world but who cares, all I wanted was for him to give me a share of something which he learnt and for heaven's sake, I was getting every bit of it at a platter of gold.
We had come to share love countless times and our cravings renewed each day. At times we could do stuffs on the bare ground in the evenings when the dusk of the day has sprouted it's ever watching eyes on mankind. He was full of power and my vigour was never unrelenting. Of course what other pleasure can I ask from the creator better than what I got from the all cocoa bean delicacy that ejaculated from his feral cock. He had performed the rights of digging, rimming, sucking and fucking at the remotest and greatest of places ranging from the bush paths, to the church compound at night, to the empty vehicle parked down the street at twilight, to the room in secret. Twas a mix of heavenly delight to a touch of ageless perfection. Apart from the fact that I enjoyed every thing we had together, he kept on promising how great our future would be. That he had plans for a better and brighter future for both of us. Indeed he wasn't just building a castle made of diamonds in the sky, I saw his vision and I knew how true he was to his words. I opened my whole being, soul and body under the pressure of love to ride alongside with the love which was perfect, whole and sensual. We were the best of the very best that ever existed between two beings. There I was, trying to picture a future that would be void of troubles and unending pains. Of course Stanley would be there for me through thick and thin and I was ever sure of spending eternity beneath his warm arms.
We continued for what seemed like five years. Five years that was full of positivity, vibes and growth. I watched Stanley grow into a real gentle man, of course he was a gentle man who kept every word of his, true and whole. He was all promising and that alone was an assurance that we would have a happy ending together. But then two solid weeks passed by without both of us seeing. For the first three days, I didn't feel his absence but then on the fourth day, I became worried at the current situation. I asked his younger brother who was my friend about his wellbeing and I got a positive response. My problem was why did he not come to the house to visit like he normally does. For two solid weeks I was speechless and my heart raced at the thoughts of him. He was very much well according to what I was told so why wasn't he coming forth. The feelings of unrest ravelled me and in as much as I became unsecured, my desire for him increased even more than before. In my curiosity, I visited his house after I returned from school and thank goodness, he was home. Home alone, all for me. My smiles increased when I noticed he was home and without wasting time, I advanced closely towards him. I began to touch him gentle skin and mollycoddled him like he was mine, which he truly was. My lips pressed to his neck and I wanted to tell him how bad I've missed him, how I wanted his very being to delve into my all craving ass. His hands pushed away mine and he gave me a look like that of a stranger. Then he bade me to sit on the couch, a couch that had witnessed several sex from both of us. When I sat and looked into his eyes, there he was looking for the right words to soothe my desires. He began by stating the obvious, how beautiful I was and how lovely I had grown to be. Then he began to speak of the perfect love of God towards me and how the heavens wanted a pure soul in me. He ended up with the bla bla bla words. That was the first time I heard those words all my life, from the very first person I had given my all. He told me he was a changed being and had repented of his ills. There he was, making it seemed like we were both sinners and he had found Christ, the perfect man for his salvation. I watched closely without uttering a word. No, I had nothing to say because I was short of words. So I watched silently, with teary eyes and a bittered soul, I watched what I loved the most been taken away in just a snap. After his sermon, I stood up and walked away. Away from his house and away from his life. He had ditched me for God, that same God that had brought us together under this psalms of love. Will I say God was ever jealous from the very start of our love spree or was he using God as a shield to run away from the reality which he placed me. I walked out shamefully knowing that i was used by Stanley, the all knowing Stanley.
The weeks following that incident was hell refined. I danced with the devil and he took away my heart and all the feelings I had there in. I cursed life thousand times for letting it have it's miserable way in my life and in as much as I wanted to heal so bad, I drowned in unending sorrows. My comforter was my sister, my ever loving sister. Cassy like I fondly call her was ever beside me to give me relief. She felt that I had lost something dear to me and in as much as I didn't tell her anything, she respected my decision and flowed with my vibes. She was always trying to make me happy and to console me. Funny though, she never knew what even made me sad but as heavenly as she was, she wanted to make me happy. She gave me hope for a promising future and I promised myself that I was gonna repay the care she gave to me by making her happy when she was depressed. There I was, the depressed one and I was making future promises that I couldn't even guarantee. There also was my being which was healed, my heart already broken and love was buried in hades. I had sealed my heart with limestone and was never going to love again. And to Cassy I owed my very being for she had succeeded in transforming my shattered life for it's betterment. In less than a month, I got back to my normal life and had allowed the memories of Stanley slide away like it never occurred.
Now that I was healed I needed back my pleasure again. I started with Jason, Stanley's younger brother. I seduced him and he gave in to me. It wasn't outta revenge for what Stanley did but he was the closest my tentacles could catch. And then from Jason to the neighbor next door and wide and wide my fishing net went round the waters of the world catching men of all kinds both great and small. Ranging from a juvenile lad to the schooling chap and then to a married man down to a granny. I tested the positivity of all men and I read them through like the back of my very own palm. I lost Stanley who had opened my world but I got, ten thousands of Stanleys again. I fucked round and round without the feeling of love, for crying out loud my heart was melted long ago and I lost the feeling to love. It was pleasure, pleasure and more pleasure. I had built for myself a league of fuck buddies and I had a list of guys which I had fucked on a yearly basis. I explored the world of men and had made myself the god of my lane.
Few years passed by and Stanley started to visit our home again. He was already a made man. He had a company of his own and he was doing well in the business world. He had come now as a friend and a brother. Life had grown weary of it's ills and we had accepted what it gave to us without revolting. He had come back into our lives gradually and no one cared about his personality because everyone was chasing his dreams. I personally told everyone in the house how successful he had been over the years. At first no one cared about his success because everyone at home were focusing on their career. Then after a while was a sudden interest by Cassy. She was ever curious to see Stanley and I felt it was this normal tendency that occured in every persons life. She had always cared less about Stanley owing to the fact that she was the busy one. So when she was curious about him, I offered her the chance of us going to his place. On the allotted date, we both went over and spent the most quality time at his place. I had been with Jason discussing about the goodies which we had come to enjoy as individuals in our various lane while Cassy was having a good time with Stanley. We went home with the feeling that we were able to connect with a family we held so dear as young adults. If only Jake was around with us, it would have been so much fun. But Jake was far away from us, with his wife and kids somewhere in Asia. Trying to build up his family and to better his career as a basketball coach. Life was beginning to have its meaning back in my world and I had the assurance of the fact that what was mine, would be truly mine.
Then Cassy started growing fond of Stanley. She would call him over the phone and would spend hours upon hours speaking with Stanley on her loud speakers. She would even write him series of love messages and would sing various love songs around the house using his name. I became challenged and worried about the recent development. I wasn't just gonna let it slide away just like in the past. Was he trying to play smart on Cassy the same way he used me in the past. I couldn't just walk up to Cassy and narrate to her my ordeal. My self esteem would be lost the very minute Cassy would discover who I had always been. She would despise every bit of me and disregard my integrity, one which I was still trying to build over time. So there I was, betwixt telling her the bitter truth or leaving her to experience the heartbreak which I felt years ago. Her fantasy drove her nuts and would take some wierd looking nude pictures and save them on her phone. Nude pictures that could feed three guys for a whole year, and she would send them to Stanley at every interval of the day. I returned home one night very tired and hungry and when I got to the kitchen, there wasn't a thing to eat. There was Cassy in a joyful spree, changing clothes and preparing to have dinner with Stanley. I watched her in maximum jealousy and wanted to take her place. She asked me about her looks and I affirmed how beautiful she was. In her smiles, she hurriedly left home. In my pains, I lost my appetite and watched the walls in the bedroom as it jeered at my stupidity. Silence had filled the air and I wasn't myself as the time passed on. My phone rang after an hour and there it was, Cassy was calling. She told me she wouldn't come home that night because she would pass the night with Stanley, that bastard who took away everything I ever was. The night was longer than expected, I pictured every scenerio that would take place at Stanley's home. He would have to fuck her without reserve and she would open up her self like a bread that would be sliced open and his dick would spread it's spermatozoa rounds her like the butter over the bread. My world banged on and I was lost in bitterness. I had been the middleman who orchestrated the meeting again between Cassy and Stanley. The night moved slowly and left me basking in unending sorrows. There I was, lone, broken and forgtten. The world had shut it's big eyes on me and at that instant I wanted to drink poison rather than sink in despair. Tears flowed forth from my eyes and I couldn't help it. My heart had begun to race when I suddenly fell under the pressure that had suddenly come over me. I woke up in the hospital the next day to accept my fate. Cassy had told me she saw me on the floor the next day when she came over with Stanley. They had both narrated how lifeless I was and they had rushed me to the hospital. I only watched in the silence of my shameless life.
In less than two years, Cassandra was already married to Stanley, my own man. I had lived with the feeling that I would never triumph from the ills that befell me. A marriage that I had to be the best man. I accepted the offer out of love for my sister and not for anything else. Stanley felt he was going to seal back our friendship with the position of being his best man. Such a distasteful thing I wouldn't want to do on a normal day. After the celebration had began, I went away from the scenerio to weep my life away. The world had joined me to wail at my lost pride, even heaven could share my ordeal with me. I couldn't wish my sister nothing less than the happiness that she ever craved for, but with anyone in this life. Not with my man, my Stanley. A man she knew less about and showed less concern. There I was, the demon who would clutch on their marriage and cause the biggest assunder. I had gone home during the middle of the celebration to think about my life. I began to ask myself thousand times over, how can a gay convert in less than two weeks back to a straight dude. Of course his first pleasurable sex was with me, not with a woman. How sure was I that he had been a repented dude like he claimed to be. He had only married my sister in order to fit in to what the society demanded rather than what he felt. He had locked his feelings to the demands of the world. I began to picture the reason behind many broken homes in the society, how many married men ran away from their matrimonial homes because they couldn't live the life which the society proposed for them. Perhaps the wedding was another lie, a perfect charade. I wept with a my being and cursed life for everything it shared with me. I wasn't thinking less but to end my life and depart from this world.
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