Gowthem, at the age of 21, found himself in the final semester of his degree, freely meandering through town like a carefree breeze, relishing these moments that brought him joy, a welcome escape from the heartache of his first love's failure. He firmly believed that he could find happiness akin to an alpha male only if he remained unattached.

His days were filled with occasional thirst for knowledge, quenched in the classroom, and frequent visual cravings. The pursuit of knowledge was satisfied within the hallowed halls of academia, while his visual desires fixated on the slender elegance of feminine necks. Just as a sculptor gazes upon a masterpiece, Gowthem admired the natural beauty of these necks. His college years unveiled a new world of necks, their ever-changing shapes during various facial expressions, the delicate textures, intricate patterns, alluring contours, subtle depressions, and the charming moles that bestowed them with an added allure.

Gowthem often daydreamed about different ways to possess these necks, either through willing surrender or force, all in pursuit of a high. These vivid fantasies allowed him to live a relatively normal life, blending in with the objects of his admiration without drawing unwanted attention. At times, when he felt the need for a neck, he turned to his own as a substitute.

He initiated this ritual by gently caressing his neck, noting its temperature and softness. He delicately pinched certain points, feeling the skin's elasticity, which sparked sensations in his brain. His thumb traced the contours of the Adam's apple, akin to reading Braille for the blind. His fingers explored the bones' structure, and he swallowed saliva to appreciate its movement. As he traced the Adam's apple's up and down motion, he felt transported to a heavenly realm. Crackling sensations ignited in his mind, and if the excitement demanded more, he applied pressure above the Adam's apple, relishing the satisfying pain and enduring it. In solitary moments, he pressed on both sides until his vision dimmed and eventually darkened. Emerging from this blackout, he experienced a chilling sensation creeping through his brain, followed by an intensifying heat, accompanied by a racing heart and heightened arousal.

Occasionally, Gowthem ventured further, looping a rope around his neck, tightening it to create a pain he could not control. He longed for someone else to administer this pain and persist until he surrendered, but he had not found a willing partner, not even his own brother. The unrestrained agony he yearned for could only be provided by gravity. In solitude, he would hang himself like a wall clock, using a rope around his neck, sometimes recording these acts for future satisfaction. On rare occasions, he failed to regain consciousness, like the third time it happened.

Initially, Gowthem placed a camcorder to capture his actions, with a particular focus on his neck. He would suspend himself from a wall when no one was around, sometimes letting his legs dangle. On the last occasion, as his vision faded, he experienced a surreal journey through past memories and unimagined scenarios. It felt like an incredibly deep and satisfying slumber. When he finally awoke, he lay on the floor, the camcorder capturing his experience. The video revealed a transformation in his perspective on hanging himself to death.

It was in this moment that he concluded hanging was a safe and painless way to die. But escaping it would be a living nightmare, with the degree of torment varying based on suspension duration and the individual's physical condition. In Gowthem's case, the nightmare was what he longed for.

The video portrayed him wearing a sleeveless white T-shirt and red shorts, a black rope tied tightly around his neck, supporting his weight. As he lowered himself, the rope accentuated the V-notch in his neck and revealed the sternal muscles with elegant clarity. Yet, it concealed his Adam's apple, hiding it within his lower jaw. The rope also exposed his jawbones by tucking the skin beneath it. As his blood vessels constricted on both sides of his neck, his brain cells were deprived of oxygen-rich blood, gradually succumbing.

Gowthem felt as though a heavy weight coiled around his neck, pulling upward, rendering him unable to lift his head, breathe, or swallow saliva. His tongue involuntarily protruded from his mouth. He savored this moment for a while. In the video, his wide-open eyes receded, pupils moving upward, eyelids partially closing, revealing only the whites. This transformation occurred within seven seconds of suspension.

For a while, Gowthem's body remained lifeless, suspended like a corpse. Then, his fingers began to twitch, his hands twisted, his lower jaw shifted, collecting saliva, and slight vibrations turned into vigorous movements. His hands reached for his neck and hung there, while his legs pedaled and contorted like a yogic posture. The collected saliva dripped onto his chest. Gradually, his body descended, settling like a lifeless form. After 75 seconds, he had lost all hope of survival. For the next 10 seconds, he hung lifeless, saliva dripping from his mouth, until a sudden shake dislodged the nail from the wall, and he fell. He regained consciousness a few seconds later, stopping the recording.

After watching the video repeatedly, Gowthem reclined on his couch, fainted, and awoke an hour later. He checked his neck for any rashes, but to his surprise, none had appeared. He now considered this the ideal moment for enjoyment but decided to refrain for a while.

Days passed, and he found himself on the journey home from his classes, spotting his classmate, Ms. Narthini, who was still mourning her mother's recent passing. As Gowthem observed her, he felt not only sympathy but also a new emotion, which he thought might be love. In the following weeks, he couldn't help but notice Narthini in detail, someone he had known for almost four years. Previously, he had dismissed her as an arrogant girl, seemingly lacking in social graces. Usually, his attention focused on her slender neck with two distinctive moles, adding to the beauty of her V-notch. Her neck displayed shapes that captivated Gowthem, and he had often fantasized about possessing it, even engaging in self-pleasure with her in mind.

However, his feelings had evolved. What he once regarded as mere lust had transformed into a deep sense of compassion and love for her. One day, as he disembarked from the bus at his stop, he approached Narthini.

G: "Narthini."

N: "Yes, what is it?"

G: "We've been studying together for nearly four years. I've been thinking about extending our relationship. Can we continue talking even after our college days?"

N: "That sounds good. Let's see what the future holds."

With those words, Narthini walked away, but her response lingered in Gowthem's mind, urging him not to let her slip away. The next day, he reached out to her.

G: "Narthini."

N: "No, Gowthem, this won't work. Please, leave me."

After she walked away, Gowthem comprehended her feelings and respected her wishes. The following day, he couldn't help but notice the shift in Narthini's demeanor towards her friends. Meanwhile, he carried himself with an air of contentment, reminiscent of a jubilant queen strolling through the town. His newfound behavior left those around him bewildered. The reasons behind this transformation slowly became apparent to Gowthem during his farewell function when he discovered that all the girls in his class had come to view him as a charming figure. It turned out that this charismatic charmer had proposed to one of them.

Yet, what was the point of this revelation when everything had already slipped through his fingers? Now, Gowthem found himself reminiscing about the memories of his past two loves, savoring them like morsels of bittersweet nostalgia.

Narthini after a year got married to her relative and is now living happily with two children.
© gowieeie