Today is just another day.
My thoughts fill with you.
it's hard to get up from my bed knowing that you won't be right here beside me.

It's been five months since we parted ways.
but not a day went by that I haven't thought of you.
my days gone by doing mundane things and trying to figure it out on my own.

I want to see you
I want to ask you "how have you been?"
I wonder if you're living your life the you wanted to.
I hope you did.

As I get up from my bed, looking out the window the sun hasn't even risen yet.

This moment right here is what i treasure the most. knowing that only once a day we get to embrace this feeling right here, right now.
As I close my eyes letting the feeling in.
reminds me of you. how warm you were, the comfort I felt when you were here with me.

I got up from my bed trudging towards the bathroom, I halt in my steps as I heard my phone vibrates on the side table.

Who could be calling me this early in the morning? I ask myself

As I look on the screen, my heart skips a beat.

It can't be... I keep repeating it in my head

The phone vibrates again, pulling me from my initial shock
I swipe the answer icon and slowly bring the phone to my ear.

"Hello"

The voice that I long to hear, it's speaks to me from the other side.



"Hello, baby?"
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry", he apologise

After sometime, I composed myself and ask him
"for what?"

"I don't know what I'm apologising for.
you didn't even give me a reason." He answers as his voice slowly fade out.
It seems like he was crying too.



"I'm sorry..." With my quavering voice...
Finally i said it, the words that i wanted to say to him the most
"I'm so sorry for hurting you.
For lashing at you and for pushing you away."

Suddenly I can't control myself.
I sobbed through the phone. My emotions are all over the place.

"Where are you right now?" He question me

I'm at home, our home." I answered slowly through the phone.

"I'm coming right now.
don't cry baby, I will be right there." I heard some shuffling from the other side of the phone, a close door and the sound of the car starting.

After 12 minutes, I heard the front door unlocked. I stalk towards the hallway.
and there he is standing in the middle of it. Looking as handsome as the first time I saw him. In his hoodie and snazzy pants. the ones that are my favourites of his.

He looks distraught with his disheveled hair and dim eyes even his smile isn't there anymore. I lunge towards him and hugs him with all my might. I sobbed in his arms as he comforts me and patting my hair over and over again.
I felt his tears on my bare shoulders and along the tank top I wore.
I felt it soak with his tears and the pain that we both put each other through.
right this moment I don't even remember why we separated. It seems useless now.

As I felt the heat of the morning sun, I realised that we stayed there until the sun finally rises.

We finally let go and glances at each other lovingly and suddenly we both started laughing and embracing each other again.

"Are you okay?" he worried
"Yes, I'm alright." I tell him, knowing that he will worried
more if I don't convince him. So i give him a peck but he doesn't seem satisfied with it. So he lean in again and kiss
me like he meant to.

As we started to get ready for the day, Rain offered to make breakfast as I lean against the hall frame glancing at him as he did his magic.

It makes me wonder why do we like to hurt ourselves more and more. knowing that we will always find our way to each other.

The fight between us, wasn't that difficult to solve. but it was me that makes it more complicated than it was.
during these five months, he came to me, he tried to talk to me, tried to pull me towards him. but I didn't let him in.
I was dealing with myself. trying to figure out what I really want.

I can say that I finally know what I want. what this life is worth for?
I now can love him without any thoughts clouding my mind.

He stayed away but at the same time he didn't. he knew that I needed time for myself. to love myself. and he gave me that. he gave me that space and also the space that I left just for him to fill.

"Mase?" Suddenly I'm pull of of my thoughts as Rain touch my hand.

I didn't realise he was in front of me. I smiled up at him and leans in to hug him tightly.

"I can't breath baby", he grunts trying to push me gently from him.

"No, I don't want to." I disagree in a childish way.

"Come on let's eat first. I'll be here. I promise." He reassure me, reluctantly I let him go.

As we are enjoying our breakfast.

A thought came to me.

He's enough for me and that's okay.

I thought I needed more in this life, more than he can offer.
But in the end I was the one that made myself feel less
and that's how I tried to find it in others.
In a way I tried to find fault in him but it was me all along and that's a hard blow for me.


Now that I overcame that phase of being less than anyone and not wanting more is enough for me. For I have found my "enough."

And as we have overcome this, I knew that our future will be okay.

In this life more or less is nothing but just a state of mind that's etched deep within my thoughts and as I let it grow it became something like a poison waiting to be swallowed.

I now know I don't need to be more than anyone than myself.





© M. Danh